If you ever have to take an antacid on a regular basis as a calcium supplement (as I do for the rest of my life), I strongly recommend Tums Smoothies Cocoa and Creme. They taste wonderful, and aren't at all chalky like most antacids. It really is just like drinking hot chocolate or a malt (in the case of the white, "creme" flavored ones).

May God help me when I get ready to buy a car next year, if I can't even bring myself to buy this computer.

Debt scares me. It just does. Even though I ran the numbers last night, and even with making payments on my hospital bill, I can absolutely, easily, afford it, I can't seem to make myself click the "buy" button.

Now, I know that you can't build better credit without incurring debt. That's the way the system works. That is why I finally gave in on getting a credit card again, and it has improved my credit score over 100 points in less than a year. I need to get into the the "good" range so that I will be able to get a new car next year. As much as I love my 1997 Plymouth Breeze, I have to acknowledge that it isn't going to last forever (and with 150K miles on it, it probably isn't going to last much beyond next year). It's getting to the point where the repairs it will inevitably need within the next year or so are more than it's Blue Book value. If I want to get anything close to a manageable interest rate, I need to have that good credit (the most recent rate I was offered for a car loan was 15%. That's an improvement over being laughed out of the finance office, but crazy high).

So I need to buy this computer. I figure that with overtime (and there is always overtime), I can pay it off in a year. By then, I'll be ready to take on the debt of a car.

If I'm so afraid of $1500 of debt for a computer, can you imagine how I'll be with $10000 in debt for a used car? I don't want to think about it!

May God help me when I get ready to buy a car next year, if I can't even bring myself to buy this computer.

Debt scares me. It just does. Even though I ran the numbers last night, and even with making payments on my hospital bill, I can absolutely, easily, afford it, I can't seem to make myself click the "buy" button.

Now, I know that you can't build better credit without incurring debt. That's the way the system works. That is why I finally gave in on getting a credit card again, and it has improved my credit score over 100 points in less than a year. I need to get into the the "good" range so that I will be able to get a new car next year. As much as I love my 1997 Plymouth Breeze, I have to acknowledge that it isn't going to last forever (and with 150K miles on it, it probably isn't going to last much beyond next year). It's getting to the point where the repairs it will inevitably need within the next year or so are more than it's Blue Book value. If I want to get anything close to a manageable interest rate, I need to have that good credit (the most recent rate I was offered for a car loan was 15%. That's an improvement over being laughed out of the finance office, but crazy high).

So I need to buy this computer. I figure that with overtime (and there is always overtime), I can pay it off in a year. By then, I'll be ready to take on the debt of a car.

If I'm so afraid of $1500 of debt for a computer, can you imagine how I'll be with $10000 in debt for a used car? I don't want to think about it!

Run Sheryl's Life!

OK, Blogosphere. Time to make decisions for me so I don't have to do so on my own.

I found out today that, thanks to my efforts to improve my credit, I can be approved for financing to buy a new computer (by a real company - the one that rhymes with bell - not some fly-by-night). I can afford a new laptop easily with monthly payments.

So, do I buy one?

Here are the factors to consider:

• My current computer is a Pentium 3 machine with 128 MB of RAM. The highest upgrade it can handle is an additional 128 MB, which isn't much.
• I can only have dial-up in my apartment right now. For some reason, I can't get broadband from the phone company, and I think the cable company is evil.
• I really like the idea of being able to leave my apartment to write (longhand really hurts my wrists, and then I just have to type it again later).
• Debt scares me, even though I am making good money now, and I have been responsible enough to handle my debt over the past year or so.
• With the price I have, I can afford a digital camera, too, and I really would like to have a camera.
• My current computer does not have a USB port (at least not that I can find) which makes transferring files really, really difficult. It also makes it difficult to do anything with a digital camera if you have one.
• I am afraid of being a conspicuous consumer. In other words, I am afraid that I would be buying this computer just because, not because it is a real need in my life.
• My current computer, despite being slower than molasses in January, works just fine. I just need to limit the number of windows I have open at any given time. Oh, and I can't upgrade any of my software to newer versions because I don't have enough RAM to run the most updated versions. And sometimes I have to wait for the computer to catch up to me when I am typing, because if I don't, it will skip letters and words.

So what should I do? Should I go ahead and buy the new machine, or should I wait until I move to an apartment where I can finally get high speed internet (keeping in mind that that may be a ways off - at least 2008)? Or should I do something else entirely?

Just Updated My Campaign Blog...

...Go see what you next President has to say.

I was in the middle of writing a touching, gut-wrenching post when my power went out. I don't have it in me to recreate it, so you'll have to wait for that one.

My birthday has been pretty nice, all things considered. Went to church this morning, saw friends who had moved away. They adopted a little girl from China, and she has grown up so beautiful in just a few short months. We sang this hymn, which we also sing at every baptism (Lutherans are a singing bunch - all the mass parts are sung, the psalm is chanted, and there are about 5 hymns throughout the service). Everytime we sing it, I (along with just about every woman in the congregation - and quite a few men) end up crying. Today was no exception, and I think there may even have been a few more tears than usual, given the day.

After chatting with friends for a few minutes after church, I finally went to see Spiderman 3. It wasn't as good as the first two, but it wasn't bad. There were a few, subtle moments that hinted at the deeper themes that have always been present in the Spiderman saga (and I have read the comics, watched the cartoons in all their incarnations, and even loved Spidey on The Electric Company.), that of masks and identity and knowing your darker side and facing it.

But can I just tell you that there were a whole bunch of parents who brought kids to that movie who had no business being there? I'm not talking about 10-year olds (though I even think it was a little old for them) I'm talking kids under six. That's just irresponsible. There was a lot of violence and scary moments. Even if they were too busy kicking the back of my chair and asking their parents what was going on to absorb what was going on, they shouldn't have been there.

After the movie, I got my oil changed. I really only wanted to get the oil changed so I could get the air conditioning charged at the same time, but the place didn't do air conditioning on the weekend. It didn't really matter, though, because as I was driving home, I discovered that my air conditioning hadn't been working because the button wasn't pushed in. Yeah, I felt stupid. I'm pretty sure my compressor needs to be replaced, still, but at least I won't melt, though.

My tolerance for heat this year is worse than it has been. Don't know if that is related to my thyroid or not. We hit 90 for the first time this weekend. That pretty much means 90% of the days between now and November will be in the 90's. Don't know if I can take that for the whole summer.

Speaking of my thyroid, I discovered at church that singing hurts.

I am still a little concerned. I may just be getting a cold, or I may have overdone things, but I seem to have more congestion, and my cough is worse. Can't decide if I need to do anything about it, and which doctor I should contact. Is it a surgical consequence? Is it just a respiratory infection?

Oh, and when it rains a little bit here on a day like today, when it is hot and humid and miserable, you get the feeling you have entered hell. The sidewalks steam, you can actually see the air, and it feels like walking through glue. I like Baton Rouge, but I hate summer here. I have a feeling I'm going to hate it even more this year.

Sigh

I'm 36 Now

Just thought you should know.

My Saturday didn't go quite as planned. I had planned to see Spiderman 3, but it didn't work out. I woke up feeling really icky this morning, and I just couldn't get going. Guess those two whole days of sitting at my desk instead of sitting on my couch were too much for me. Sigh.

I seem to have some swelling on the right side of mt neck. I'm a little concerned. I see the surgeon again a week from Wednesday, so I guess I'll ask him then.

Speaking of the surgeon, he charged over $12,000 to take out my thyroid. A two hour operation, where he didn't see me before or after. I want a gig where I make $6000 an hour.

Anyhow...Saturday. Instead of the movies, I went to Target. I bought a purse that isn't horrible (it's a little smaller than I would like, but nice), a tote bag that is cute but impractical, a necklace that matches the earrings I bought a couple weeks ago (the necklace was out of stock then) and three headbands. I discovered that I can't wear the wrap-type bands because mt head is too flat in the back and they won't stay on. That makes me sad because the prettiest one was that kind. I also discovered that my head is freakishly short, and the other kind are too long and hurt my ears. Sigh. But they look really cute - and isn't that all that matters?

I tried to buy a bottle of wine, too, but the checker was under 25 and wasn't allowed to ring alcohol. What a stupid law. The manager was taking forever to come scan the wine, and I finally said to forget about it.

Oh, and an awful lot of mothers in Baton Rouge are going to be getting crappy gifts tomorrow. Cheap jewelery, ugly purses, and stuff you can buy in Walgreen's at 10 p.m. seem to be the order of the day.

So today, in honor of the beginning of my 37th year outside my mother's womb. I shall go to the movies after church, then I shall write about why Mother's Day makes me sad-happy.

Oh, and I shall soon be reviving my presidential campaign in earnest. I want to repeat that I was the first candidate to officially declare, exactly one year ago today (Check my archives if you want the link to my campaign blog - I'm too lazy to link). I shall soon be sharing my radical new tax/budget plan, and my plan to fix public schools. I delayed my campaign intentionally, because I realized that 18 months before the election year is really too early to innundate the public with campaign rhetoric. Even now, 7 months before, is a bit much. I wish someone would share that with my fellow candidates. The voting public is going to end up with campaign fatigue, and that's not a good thing.

I don't feel so good today. Returning to work is not such a good thing so soon, I guess. But the doctor gave me the go-ahead, and we are short staffed (still), so I did. It took a lot of me yesterday, though.

Last night I had issues with my throat feeling...tight. Not closed, but slightly swollen, especially when I laid down. Don't know what that's about.

Oh well. Back to the grindstone.

So I realized today just how much better I feel already. I can feel a real difference in my neck (as in I can feel that something is missing in a good way - it is smaller), and I can tell the difference when I swallow. It's even easier to breathe, something I didn't realize was a problem.

Now, I know I'm not 100% yet - my incision still hurts, and I seem to have some congestion in my throat. My wrists are killing me from the failed IV's, and my one hand keeps falling asleep - probably a combination if the bruising and the calcium issues. Still, though, I feel really good.

I've been experimenting a little bit with eating while I've been home. I find that if I eat my major meal of the day around 2, which is my usual lunch time at work, then eat a small breakfast and dinner, and a few tiny snacks in between, I feel much better. I guess it's just a matter of keeping my blood sugar on an even keel. That will be much harder to do at work since I tend to get stuck in 4 hour meetings on a regular basis, but it's worth a try.

I put a whole quilt sandwich together today. Granted, it is only for a wall hanging, but I've never gotten this far before. I'm kind of proud of myself. Now all I have to do is quilt it.

Last night, I watched the Saturday Night Live special about the 90's years, since the results of The Amazing Race allowed me to keep my TV. I determined that no matter when that time was, whenever you personally were in college is when SNL was at it's best. I hear the kids around here talking about how hilarious Horatio Saenz and Jimmy Fallon are, and I just don't get it. They can't deliver a line to save their lives, and the keep cracking up during sketches. They can't hold a candle to Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, and even Victoria Jackson. There is just something about being 18-25 taht makes SNL perfect.

Finally, happy birthday to TG, who entered the world 359 days before me. Enjoy 37, man (well, woman). I wish I could find a brown and cream linen bag at Target. I was looking for a new purse there today, and I couldn't find anything reasonable. It was all way to trendy without simultaneously being cute. I did, however, buy some glasses that match my dishes (fingers crossed - I've ony broken one so far, and it was just a mug. Granted they spend the first 6 months of their time in my presence in the freezer, but that's a story for another time.). And I ran into my pastor and his wife. I felt a little guilty for not telling them about my surgery, but he was in Germany, and I only got to talk to her for a minute on the Sunday before.

So, here's what is too much to do on day 4 after surgery:

Taking out a really heavy bag of trash (had to be more than 25 pounds), having it break halfway to the car (which is half as far as the dumpster) having to go back to the apartment to get new trash bags, cleaning up the trash, finally getting it thrown away, going to the store, and taking a two-hour drive.

Sigh.

I'm not good at being laid up.

Oh, and the end of my digestive system woke up today! I did not have a pleasant morning and early afternoon! My delicate bits are kinda raw. Sorry for the overshare, but it is my blog.

In other news, today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 81, 45 years and 8 days older than yours truly. He wasn't a perfect man, but he was a good man, and I miss him.

There are a lot of important days for my family in early May. I graduated college on May 8th, the first on my mom's side to do so (and still the only, actually). My mom's brother and closest cousin both have bithdays on May 9th. And my birthday is on the 13th. Plus Mother's Day is stuck in there, too.

My arms hurt. The heavy lifting was just too much for my bruises. I was going to write about geese, but alas, that will have to wait until tomorrow.

Happy...Day.

So just in case you are wondering, three days later is too soon to drive to the store and walk around for awhile after thyroid surgery. But I really wanted waffles for dinner, and I had no better. no syrup. no powdered sugar, and...no waffles. Oh, an I thought a Wildberry Tea Smoothie from CC's would make me feel better, too.

It was fine, but a little too soon. I'm tired now, and a little sore. And it didn't really improve my appetite like I was hoping. The smoothie was good, though.

On the plus side, I can tell a significant difference in how the stuff in my throat is working. My voice doesn't feel like it is straining whenever I talk anymore, I can swallow easier, and I even feel like I'nm breathing easier. Now if I can only get the coughing to stop, and manage to sit up for more than half an hour without my neck and shoulders cramping when they aren't supported...

Ok. The Post-Gazette keeps writing about hoew Pittsburghers eat more Ho-Hos per capita than any other city in the country.

No place in Baton Rouge carries Ho-Hos. Sure they have Blue Bunny Swiss Rolls, but not Hostess Ho-Hos.

I want a Ho Ho now. I'm not even craving chocolate yet. I want a real Ho Ho.

Sigh. I wish I could get comfortable to sleep. Even the good drugs don't seem to be helping.

I just took a shower. All the betadine is out of my hair. I feel human again. It looks like someone tried to slit my throat, bu hey! They did slit my throat. I have an incision that is about 6 inches in the middle of my neck right above the collar bone. I also have a lovely rash from the tape the used to cover the drain incision, and they won't let me put anything on it.

I'm bored. I'd go back to work tomorrow if I could keep my neck up unsupported for more than 15 minutes.

Sigh.

So, I survived my first hospital experience. And in honor of that, I figured I'd share all the icky details with you.

Got to the hospital a little after 10. The admissions person was originally from Latrobe. One of my friends from work waited with me unil they took me back to prep. They did blood pressure, temp, all that stuff, then they had me give a urine sample and change into a gown. You'll be glad to know I'm not pregnant.

The prep nurse asked all the standard questions, I told them I was sensitive to all adhesives except tegaderm, a fact they promptly ignored. he nurse tried twice unsuccessfully to start an IV before she gave up and called the anesthesiologist. The resident tried twice before the attending finally got it started. My arms and wrists are a mass of bruises today.

So, I told the CRNA that I was really nervous about the anesthesia and he tried to reassure me that once he injected the first drugs into the IV, I wouldn't care anymore. He was partially right. Itis just r=that it was so quick between them injecting me. moving me to the OR and sticking the mask over my face. The next thing I remember was being in recovery and asking what time it was (4:10). It seems to me that I did that a few times in a row. I remember asking for ice and water a few times, and the next ting I knew it was after 7. That's when I asked for a blanket. They told me sometime after that that I'd be spending the night in recovery because they didn't have any rooms available. A little while after that, my boss came to see me for a few minutes and brought flowers. I have the best boss ever.

A little while after he left, they moved me into a private room in the recovery room. It was very small, but very comfortable. The nurse was concerned that I hadn't had to pee yet, because I had been drinking water like mad. I think I apologized. She said not to be silly, and said that I was probably one of the easiest patients she had to deal with.

Well, around 2 a.m. they found a room for me, on an oncology unit. I don't want to think about what happened to allow a room to be available at that hour. They got me settled there, and around 3 a.m. I tried to pee and couldn't. I told the nurse that I felt dehydrated (my mouth was soooo dry), so she did a bladder scan, which was inconclusive. So she called the doctor on call, who told her to put in a catheter. She did (not fun at all at 4 a.m.) and they drained about 800 ccs of urine. So yeah, it was my problem. So they told me to keep drinking fluids, and kept the IV going, and told me i wouldn't be able to go home until I peed.

It was right around this time that my oxygen levels dropped a little bit, too, to around 90%. So I got to spend a few hours on oxygen as well.

The also kept moving the PCA thing (the stuff you use to give yourself pain medicine) out of my reach, and then they kept saying how suprised they were at how little pain medicine I was using. I promise that I would have been using more if I could have reached either that or the call button.

Between 8 and 9, everyone on earth was in my room. They brought breakfast, which was eggs and grits. I don't normally eat either, but I ate about half an egg. Just the thought of grits nauseates me. A volunteer brought a paper, another was checking on my satisfaction with the room (which was nicer than my apartment). The chaplain came in, a very nice Baptist minister. I told him I was going home that same day, but that I appreciated his offer to contact my church (even though my pastor is currently in Germany). Then the surgeon's PA came in (I never actually saw the surgeon while I was in the hospital). She asked a bunch of questions, and told me my calcium an potassium levels were a little low, so I would have to take Tums twice a day for a while, and eat bananas and drink orange juice for about a week (no hardship there). After all that, I drifted in and out, and they woke me up twice to take vitals. Then a co-worker came to visit on his lunch around 10:30. He visited for about 15 minutes, then a nursing student and instructor came in to take out a drain. He doesn't do well with icky stuff like that, so he left.

The drain was a whole 'nother adventure. I told her again that I was really sensitive to adhesive, and she ignored me and used big nasty adhesive on the gauze they put over the hole. So now I have a rash on my neck in addition to everything else. The nursing instructor told me it would only have to be there for a few hours, but it is still there. I have to call the surgeon's nurse to see if I can take it off, and she won't be in until 1, so I can't take a shower until then, and I really want to take a shower.

So then they brought lunch, which was a chicken wrap. It was good, but only ate the chicken and lettuce out of half of it. I tried to pee again, but again was unsuccessful.

My boss called a little while later. I told him they wouldn't let me leave until I could pee. Then I apologized for my inhibitions being a little too low. He laughed and said that hospitals have a tendency to do that. He told me to call when I'm able to leave. Not 15 minutes later, I managed to pee. it was a good thing, too, because right after I got back to bed, the nurse came in with another catheter. I just made it over the limit where she would have to cath me. I told my boss that from now on, his name shall be the Pee Whisperer.

So he and another co-worker came to get me and take me to the pharmacy and then home. We got to the pharmacy, dropped off the prescription, and I vomited. Got the door open just in time to not throw up all over his car. Threw up all over my shirt, though. I apologized about 30 times. I hate throwing up.

Instead of taking me to the store then to get juice, bananas and water, they took me home. He went and picked up the stuff last night (he lives less than a mile from me, as do half my coworkers) while I slept, and he called just before he got here. Then I ate some noodle soup (OK, I ate the noodles - the broth was a little too seasoned for me). Then I took a pain killer (I'm not in a lot of pain, but enough that I tend to wake myself up if I move, and I knew I needed to sleep). My bladder is definitesly awake now (I've had to pee a lot). I had a banana for breakfast, and some juice and Cheerios for lunch, and here I am.

So that was my surgery adventure. The staff at Baton Rogue General Bluebonnet is very nice and very professional (even if they forgot to tell me if I can take this dressing off. Even so, I really hope not to repeat this experience any time soon.

I'm alive!

I feel like crap, but I'm alive and home. Details much, much later.

Ok. True Confession Time!

I am scared shitless about this surgery tomorrow. I've never been under general anesthesia, and no matter how many times everybody tells me it will be OK, I'm still terrified.

I'm petrified that my voice is going to end up weaker, not stronger. The vocal nerves are literally right next to the thyroid. The single biggest risk of this surgery is vocal damage. People have always complemented my reading voice. It has been getting progressively weaker, an I'm scared it will be gone all together.

I'm really scared of being alone. I have no family here, and the friend I would normally depend on is 8 1/2 months pregnant. I hate burdening people with my troubles, and I hate being a burden in general.

I have no idea what to expect after this surgery. The surgeon was really abrupt, and his nurse or assistant, or whatever didn't really answer any questions. The internet was no help, either.

I know there are lots of people all over praying for me. I know my parents are joining their own prayers in heaven. I know I just need to put it in God's hands and trust Him. But having that knowledge and doing something with it are two different things.

Well, if you happen across my blog, and you think about it tomorrow around 1 p.m. Central, send a few prayers toward the staff at Baton Rouge General Bluebonnet. It can't hurt.

Six Weird Things

So the latest meme I've seen floating around is Six Weird Things About Me. Thought I'd give y'all some levity before my possible demise tomorrow (shut up - being convinced I'm going to die is actually helping me, in a weird and twisted way).

1. I absolutely cannot have fruit touching any other category of food in a meal. This is the last vestige of the "Oh my gosh, my corn juice is touching my mashed potatoes! I can't eat this!" phase of my youth. At one point in time, I wouldn't even eat mixed vegetables. But now, I just object to the use of fruit in salads, with meat, etc. I'll eat them at the same meal, but not mixed together in any way, shape, or form.
2. I cannot seem to have a complete set of dishes last for more than a week. I always break something right off the bat.
3. I don't have cable or satellite TV. Not terribly weird, I guess, but uncommon in this day and age.
4. I tend to get injured in really weird ways. In elementary school, I broke my foot while practicing the Mexican hat dance in a doorway (don't ask). In college, I broke the same foot, same bone even, while walking down the KH men's wing steps after going up to view the quasi-pornographic pictures one of my housemates graced the chalkboard with (the artwork was actually quite good, if you ignored the nudity and all). Later on, while working at a camp, I ran over that same leg with a 15 passenger van. Then, after graduation, I was working night shift at a bank, got up to get a batch work, was returning to my seat, and a module divider fell on the back of my ankle, leaving me with bone chips and a partial tendon tear. And again, same leg.
5. I am the Angel of Death for house plants. One touch from me and the shrivel and die. Seriously. I bought a rose plant for the office. It lasted nicely for a week, then I watered it on Friday and came back on Monday and it was dead. I've decided that it is cruel for me to buy them given that. Still, I do like them.
6. I prefer odd numbers to even. In other words, I can't think of a number six.

Consider yourself tagged if interested.

So, when you are facing the possibility of death in a few days (shut up - it's my blog and I'll be melodramatic if I want to.), you find yourself thinking about a lot of stuff. Here are some of those things.

• If I survive this arduous procedure, I really want to eat at Sammy's Bar and Grill. I drive past it a couple times a week at least, and it is always, always packed. People will wait hours to get in for dinner or Sunday brunch, which always features crab cakes (one of my favorite things). I really want to know what the fuss is about.
• I heard a fantastic sermon this weekend. My pastor is studying in Germany for the next two weeks, and a retired pastor in the congregation is filling in for him. She talked about the environment in which John wrote Revelation (a good intro for some, a good reminder for the rest of us), and talked about how it was aimed at a very specific audience and a very specific situation in the past, and that it isn't meant to be read as some mystical insight into future events. Then she talked about places in the world where religious persecution is still taking place. It was just really interesting.
• I also watched the teenagers in the congregation today, as I was sitting behind a group of the "cool" girls. There is one family that lets their daughters come to church dressed more like they should be hanging out on a street corner in a shady part of town. I'm sorry, but if you have to keep pulling your shorts down to keep your butt cheeks from showing, the are too short in general, and definitely too short for church. Anyway, their oldest was there (she's a freshman in high school) with two friends who don't belong to our church and probably don't go to church on a regular basis anywhere (didn't understand the hymnal, didn't understand the program of worship, and generally had that clueless look). Well, these three girls were absolutely smitten with out cantor who A) is too old for them - he's a senior in college, and B) would probably find their brother far more interesting, if you get my meaning. Meanwhile, one of the acolytes, a young guy who is part of one of the nicest families I've ever met, is making eyes at the three girls. Now, these girls not only didn't notice, they would never notice him because he has a little bit of the geek thing going on, and a lot of the nice guy thing going on. It was really a fascinting anthropological study on adolescent society and heirarchy.
• You know what I miss most about home? Eat 'n' Park. There is nothing like that here at all. For those of you not from the Pennsylvania/Ohio/West Virginia area, Eat 'n' Park is a family restaurant, with good food and pretty good prices. It's basically a step up from IHOP and a step down from Applebees, just to put it on a continuum. The closest thing we have here is Picadilly, which is good, but it is a cafeteria-type place. And I miss Smiley cookies, even though they are actually kind of nasty.
• I'd really like to go on a train trip someday. I know I've romanticized trains far beyond reality in my head, but still.
• I don't know where this compulsive cleaning thing I'm doing is coming from. Generally speaking, mess and clutter doesn't bother me. It drove my parents nuts when I was younger that I could just step over something on the floor instead of picking it up. My principal didn't understand how I could stand to teach in a cluttered classroom. I just had bigger and better things on my mind than cleaning.
• I also would like to see a kangaroo up close and personal.
• My boss's partner is the sweetest guy ever. I'm jealous of him. Why am I always attracted to gay guys?
• I got sunburned for the first time in a long time yesterday. I really need to get my AC in my car fixed. I learned why that is such a big deal here. My car windows are polarized, but that doesn't help if the windows are down.
• Hormones suck. I just recover from having my period, and now I have those mid-cycle hormones to deal with. I had forgotten how miserable that is. (Sorry, gentlemen readers.)
• I found a bra that I love. I had to buy a black bra because the big boss took our group out to lunch at the nicest restaurant in the city, and the sweater I wanted to wear had a fairly open knit. Any other time, I'd deal with the white showing through, but you just don'y do that when having lunch with the founder and CEO of the company at a four-star restaurant. Anyway, I was afraid the one I bought was going to be uncomfortable because the band size was smaller than I uually buy. But it fit perfectly, the cups were cotton-lined, and, if I may say, it made my chestal area look great.
• Mirna, on The Amazing Race, is the single most annoying person I have ever seen on TV.
• I wonder if I'll be able to wear 18-inch chains again now.
• My biggest fear is something going wrong with the anesthesia on Tuesday. That's a lot of control for a closet control freak to give up.
• My second biggest fear is that I won't be unconcious enough, and I'll be able to feel what they are doing.
• My third biggest fear is that the surgeon will slip and accidentally damage my vocal nerves.
• I think it is pretty cool that in the same prayer during the prayers of the people, we pray for the members of the military serving overseas and the suffering people of the countries they are serving in.
• Christians on reality shows are either the worst representatives of the faith, or they get the worst edits possible. I can't decide which.
• I don't think I would want to be on The Amazing Race, but it would be cool to get to do some of those once in a lifetime experiences.
• Louisiana politics suck.
• Sometimes I wonder why US territories like Puerto Rico and Guam and the Virgin Islands don't seem to want to become states. Then I hear things like this week's This American Life and I wonder if I can downgrade myself to territory. If you didn't hear it, download the podcast. It's worth a listen.
• Speaking of which, I find it really funny that I seem to get stuck with all the miltary proposals we work on when I am essentially a pacifist.
• The state of Louisiana legislature is going into session this week, and key on the agenda is how to spend all the unexpeced tax revenue from all the people buying building stuff following the hurricanes. The state has the worst public schools in the country, and there is actual debate about whether to increase funding for the schools.
• OK. I'm going forward to continue my cleaning now. But I just want to say that if Charla and Mirna end up winning The Amazing Race, I may have to give away my TV forever. It makes me sad that the Beauty Queens are the least icky team left. I wish Danny and Oswald hadn't been eliminated this week. And if they aren't dating, then The Donald will be crowning me the next Miss Universe.

So, it's 5 a.m. and I've been up all night doing laundry and cleaning. Why, you ask? It seems that that is how I respond to stress. I think it's because it's something I can control.

I'm calmer now, but I'm still freaked (picked a bad week to go off the anxiety meds, huh?). I know the reason, and I know how my thought processes work, but it doesn't really make it any better.

See, I associate hospitals with declining health. My grandmother was fine and wonderful, then she went into the hospital and got worse and died. Granted, she was 82, but I was only 5, and those early impressions are powerful.

Then my mom was fine and wonderful and healthy until she went into the hospital when I was in high school. From there, she was in a constant decline. Granted, she brought it on herself by being a 2-pack a day smoker. But I know what I observed.

My dad had never been sick a day in my life before he went into the hospital when I was in ninth grade. After that, he seemed somehow smaller, and really declined until he died. Again, granted, he brought it on himself because he was an alcoholic and destroyed his liver. But again, that association was formed.

I hate going to visit people in hospitals. Hell, I hate going to doctor's offices. Really, I hate the whole healthcare industry.

But I really, really hate hospitals. In my mind, that is where people get worse, not better. I know it is completely illogical. I know that hospitals are also where babies are born, and people receive life-saving treatments. I know that people who work in healthcare are not really Satan incarnate. But there is a big difference between what I know intellectually and what I believe emotionally.

Sigh.

I know I said it before, but I really wish my mom were here. I mean, I profess every week (well, when I make it to church), that I believe in the communion of saints, and I do. I know my mom and dad are in the presence of God, and that they are praying for me and with me. And I feel them with me every day in little things. But it's not the same as a physical presence. I want someone to hug me and let me cry on their shoulder and to tell me its going to be OK. But I don't have that. And it sucks.

The fact of the matter is that I am scared, and lonely, and homesick, and worried. I can't sugar coat that or gloss over it. I know this is minor surgery, but it doesn't matter.

Maybe I wouldn't be so scared if I had had my tonsils or appendix out when I was a kid. The surgeon's nurse was shocked when I said I had never had surgery. She didn't seem to believe me at first.

But I haven't, and now I have to.

And I don't wanna.

Guess what I'm doing next Tuesday!

If you guessed something fun like Jazzfest, or getting my hair cut, or sleeping in, you would be wrong.

If you guessed having surgery, you would be right on the money.

Saw the surgeon today. I expected him to do another ultrasound, maybe a CT scan, and then make a decision. Nope. He can feel the thyroid pressing on my esophagus, and with my voice changes, he said the sooner the better.

Can I just tell you that I'm petrified? I have never had surgery before. Never stayed in the hospital overnight.

I know it is routine, and low risk. That doesn't change the fact that I'm sitting at my desk crying right now, and that I just want...I don't know what I want.

This is one of those times, though, when I really wish my mom were still around. There are certain things that you just need a Mum for.

Just wanted to share this video I happned upon while blog surfing to get away from all the military stuff I've been working on this week.

So, went to the endocrinologist yesterday. Blood sugars are good, hormones are good. Everything is good.

Except my thyroid.

I asked her what I should be concerned about with the thyroid enlargement - because I knew that I have been having symptoms that I am concerned about (my voice gets weaker as the day goes on, it has been getting progressively weaker in general - I no longer would be confident about reading Scripture in church for instance, because I don't think my voice could get through a whole reading, stuff tends to get caught up when I swallow, I have a cough that gets worse after I talk, my neck hurts sometimes). So she told me, and I (foolishly) told her why I asked.

Well, she said that it sounds like the goiter is pressing on my larynx, and maybe my trachea. She said she has learned from experience to be agressive with that kind of thing, because she has seen patients wait to long and suffer from irreparable voice damage.

So, tomorrow I get to see a surgeon. Looks like my non-functional thyroid is coming out.

I've never had surgery before. I don't like that idea.

Who knows? I may get lucky and he'll disagree.

Sigh.

OK. It might be the hormones talking (that time came a little early this month), but this article made me cry.

Of course, I also cried at a picture of a cute puppy, because I a webpage wouldn't load fast enough, and because I couldn't find a parking place at Wal-Mart, so take it how you will.

Still, this guy deserves some recognition.

• This is a test
• to see if the bullets work
• on this template
• since the didn't on the old one.

Libraries

Go. Read. Discuss.

OK. I was going to regale you with tales of my trip to Wal-Mart last night, which I'm sure would have entertained you.

But instead, I'm going to have a little meltdown for the whole internet to see.

Last week, I had a proposal due. It had to be shipped by 7 p.m. on Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon, parts of it were still being written, and I kept getting changes to stuff I already edited. Plus, I was still getting new graphics to insert. Now this wouldn't be a big deal, but the technical lead on the proposal is a non-native English speaker. Now, he is an extremely smart guy, and pretty well-spoken, but his written English is...interesting. He doesn't use articles, for instance. Ever. And he tries to turn every sentence into a compound/complex sentence.

Now, if I had had more time, this wouldn't be a problem. But I literally spent 36 hours straight editing it between Monday morning and Tuesday when we shipped. I worked all day Saturday on it, and I didn't even make it to church on Sunday (Easter) because I was just too tired (I had put in about 50 hours the week prior as well) and I had to go into the office anyway. I poured my heart and soul into that proposal. It isn't my fault that the technical lead didn't agree witht he schedule I proposed for writing and reviews, knowing that there was a holiday in there and knowing that there would be a ton of editing involved on my end. I did everything I could to convince him. After the first review, 5 days before it was due, almost the whole thing had to be rewritten. We got it off in time, though, and it wasn't too horrible.

Well, after sleeping the sleep of the dead for 16 hours, I came into work the next day. I had an e-mail from the technical lead. Some of the cross references to captions on graphics came back with error messages. Now, I had someone double check me the night before to make sure there was nothing like that in the proposal - I was so tired that I didn't trust myself at that point. He didn't find anything, so we printed and shipped. I have no idea where the error messages came from. If I inserted new graphics, the cross reference should have automatically updated. Frankly, it was only two cross references, and it really shouldn't be that big of a deal.

Well, today the boss says to me right before he leaves that sometime when we both have a few minutes tomorrow, he wants to talk to me a little about the proposal. I asked him if I did something wrong, and he said it was no big deal.

Now, I know I should take that at face value, but I am currently in a state of controlled panic. I really wish, even if I had screwed the whole thing up, that he would have just grabbed me tomorrow and reamed me out with no notice. Instead, I have all night to worry about it.

That is a really cruel thing to do to someone with an anxiety disorder, I have to say. Of course, he doesn't know that I have an anxiety disorder, and that the little voice in my head that tells me I'm just a complete screw-up just got activated. He doesn't know that I am currently scared to death that I'm not going to have a job after tomorrow.

Sigh. Maybe going off the anxiety meds is a bad idea.

Oh, and if you love me, you'll send me chocolate!

Yes, I am craving it like mad.

On to happier things.

My favorite show on the radio is Hootenanny Power. What is, Hootenany Power, you ask? And how did they get radio capability into the backwoods to broadcast it?

That second question was on I asked when I first heard of the show. Then I finally heard the show itself, and was impressed.

Hootenany Power (yes, I am enjoying typing that phrase) is a show produced by our local NPR station. It plays...well, their playlist is really hard to describe. In any given week, they might play "classic" folk music, early rockabilly, Gospel, country, Cajun, and something the host found on some coffeehouse musician's website. It is really eclectic, fun, and totally unlike anything you would hear anywhere else.

The link above takes you to the show's website (which is kind of hard to navigate), and near the top is a link that takes you to the WRKF podcast of the show. I highly recommend the show from April 7th. The theme that night was (obviously) Easter, and the host had a lot of really interesting songs that night.

Oh, and I know there are a few clergy members or other full-time church types who read this blog. What would you do if a parishoner brought such a letter to your attention? Just curious...

First, thanks for the well wishes, Tim. It took over an hour, but I eventually did stop bleeding (after staining a t-shirt - the first white thing I could grab - completely red). Now, you can barely see the cut (though the skin does split without being held together with a bandaid).


OK.


I should be working on a proposal that is due tomorrow. And, as this is the Joyful Easter Season (tm) I should be ponficating on the Grace Jesus's death and ressurection bestowed upon all of us. I should at least be telling all of you to download Hootenany Power's podcast from this past week, which was awesome. Or perhaps I should be telling you what Hootenany Power is.

Instead, I shall rant about politics and Church.

You have been warned.

This past week, I received a letter from a parishioner at St. Al's CCC (Church and Country Club, for the unitiated). Now, even though I don't consider myself Roman Catholic any more, I'm still on their rolls. I don't know why I haven't asked to be taken off, but I haven't. But that's a topic for another time.

Anyhow, this parishoner is running for state representative in our district. In the letter, he states something along the lines of "As a fellow parishoner of [insert actual parish name here], I'm sure you must be concerned about the same issues I am." He goes on to talk about things that have been said in sermons in recent weeks, and just generally talk about the fact that we should all vote for him because he is a good Catholic.

This is the second such letter I have gotten in the past few months. The first was from some woman running for judge (and I have a whole 'nother rant in me about why judge should not be an elected office, but I won't inflict that on you tonight).

Now, both of these people are good people. I know them and their families. They would probably be good in the respective positions they desire, despite the fact that they are Republicans. However, I didn't vote for the woman running for judge, and I won't vote for this guy.

I have a real issue with someone sending out election materials based on religious parish rolls (as opposed to civil parish - I live in Louisiana, so I need to make that distinction). Whether they handtyped the data from the parish directory, or received it electronically from the church office, it is wrong.

I am a firm believer in separation of church and state. I believe the state should keep it's nose out of what churches are doing (as long as they are not harming people, animals, etc., or breaking civil law), and churches should keep their noses out of politics.

Now that doesn't mean that religious leaders shouldn't speak out against things like discrimination, poverty, etc. Those are human rights issues, and all people (religious or not) have a moral obligation to speak out agaist them.

But it does mean that I don't want this country turned into a theocracy controlled by the religious right. I read to day that the Bush administration employs over 155 graduates of Regent University School of Law. That is the law school founded by Pat Robertson, with a stated intent of Christianizing the country.

And it does mean that I don't want people to assume they know what I think or that they will have my vote just because we belong to the same church. I know that the guy I just got the letter from is about as far to the right as a Catholic can be. I am pretty darned far to the left. He doesn't know that I agree with him on issues that face the state such as abortion, discrimination based on sexual orientation (which is a big issue in state government here - it is technically still legal), the death penalty, stem cell research (LSU has lots of biomedical research going on), or even taxation.

Now, that doesn't mean that people of faith who serve in public office need to compartmentalize themselves, either. Spirituality (Christian or otherwise) is a vital part of the make up of an individual. Of course your religion is going to impact your views, as is your age, marital status, whether or not you are a parent, your economic bracket, etc.

But tell me what you are going to do to make our state a better place. Tell me what you think we should do to quicken rebuilding in New Orleans, or improve the infrastructure in Baton Rouge, or improve the pitiful state of our public schools statewide.

Don't tell me that I should vote for you simply because we share a religion and a church. That is a surefire way to tick me off and to get me to not vote for you.

There was more to this rant, but my brain is fried from working on this damned proposal all weekend.

So I now return you to your regularly scheduled, boring, non-controversial blog.

Have a nice day.

You know how I said that I usually use scissors when I cook because I can't be trusted with knives?

Sigh.

I was chopping carrots for beef stew tomorrow (odd choice for Easter, I know. But I don't like ham and I have to work tomorrow). My finger got too close to the knife, and I put a nice little slice through it. It isn't bad enough to go to the ER, but bad enough that it won't stop bleeding. The urgent care doesn't open until 9 a.m. tomorrow.

This is why I should never cook.

Oh, Happy Easter!

This is one of the saddest things I have read in a long time.

I have a long and involved rant planned about the state of child welfare and education in the United States. I don't have time to type it now because I'm working on deadline (I'm in the hurry-up-and-wait phase of proposal development right now). But stay tuned, because I will be getting as political and controversial as I am likely to get. You won't want to miss that.

Retraction

My apologies to LeBron James. TG informs me he does in fact have a child, with one on the way.

But he still doesn't need a house that is 78 times larger than my apartment (which means it is the size of my entire building, minus one floor).

Oh, and the NBA should not give teenagers multi-million dollar contracts. Heck, I would have trouble managing that, and I'm in my 30's. I can't even imagine the mess I would have made and the trouble I would have gotten into at 19.

And the NBA needs to stop treating the colleges as a minor-league system. Kids go to college for one or two years, leave with the minimum number of credits they can, and make millions of dollars with no ability to manage it. Meanwhile, they are taking up scholarship money that should be used by students who are actually interested in getting an education.

I'm sorry. I really, really hate the NBA. And the NBA is making me hate college basketball, too.

Not that the NFL is all that much better, but at least there aren't many football players who start as freshmen.

Give me hockey and baseball. With well-developed minor league systems, kids who really don't want to go to college and just want to play ball do just that. The ones who opt for college are actually interested in being there.

But Just So You Don't Think I'm Biased...

...these guys deserve a pat on the back.

And Let Me Just Say...

...LeBron James needs to be smacked upside the head. This "home" he is building is 78 times larger than my apartment. What does a 20 year old, with no children and no wife, who is on the road over half the year, need with a house that big? Come to think of it, what does anyone need with a house that big?

I hate professional basketball.

I plan to write more about what prompted the insane little dash down memory lane in my last post later.

But for now, can I just say that the whole thing with Bindi Irwin has just creeped me out? Her father died tragically and unexpectedly, and she's delivering a eulogy without tears at the funeral? And ever since she's been on this media swing where she's been all peppy and happy. I don't understand it.

When my dad died, prosaically and expectedly, I had planned to speak at his funeral. But when the time came, there was no way I could do it. I was totally non-functional. And I didn't recover from that easily. In fact, I still don't know if I am recovered (although I was able to make a joke yesterday about the fact that he died on April 15th, income tax day here in the US).

If it is her mother pushing her into this, then she ought to be ashamed. If this is really how the child has been, well, then I worry about what the fallout will be when reality sinks in.

Oh, and the media themselves should be ashamed as well, for all the play this eight year old has gotten.

If you ever want to feel better about yourself, find your high school's alumni group on MySpace. See how many people are really still just fatter, drunker adolescents. Realize that you were one of the few who had the courage to actually get out of Sheraden and move on with your life. Realize that you are one of the few who finished college in a normal amount of time. Realize that a lot of people don't seem to have grasped the concept that 35 is a whole lot different than 18.

Then smile about how well you are doing, all things considered.

Then cry that so many people are still in that place.

I Also Wanted to Say...

We sang "Lift High the Cross" in church yesterday (yes, I made it for a change - I had to take the world's fastest shower to do it, but I made it).

These are the lyrics that we sang. Now, we sang this in the Catholic Church, too, but with different lyrics. I never realized how...martial this hymn was.

I admit, I don't like hymns that use military imagery to begin with. But I was struck by the dichotomy in this one this week. The same hymn that exhorts Christians with "the love of Christ proclaim" talks about "the hosts of God/in conquering ranks combine." I have issues with that.

But beyond the fact that it seems to suggest that Christians should go on a no-holds-barred attempt to convert the world, this is one of my favorite hymns.

OK. Really, I just like the music and the refrain.

OK. Just the music.

Sigh.

There is a new Anne Lamott book! Guess what I'm getting myself for...April Fools Day!

The guy who played Larry "Bud" Melman on David Letterman died yesterday. I heard either on TV or on the radio that he had no family, so Letterman announced his death.

That is my biggest fear. Not that Letterman will announce my death, but that I will die with no one left behind and that no one will care or notice that I am gone.

Heavy thoughts for 10:30 a.m.

Yes, I know it's been a while since I have said anything substantial. I've been busy, OK? Here are some further thoughts I want to share with you.

• Saint Augustine said a lot of really interesting things. Why did he seem so boring in my theology and philosophy classes?
• I've decided there isn't much I can do about the lack of spritual development and adult education opportunities in my congregation. There is the Adult Forum, but that is at 9:30 a.m. on Sunday. If I physically can't get up to make it to 11 a.m. services, there is no way I can do that. There is also a book study on Tuesday evenings, but I can't commit to anything then, as so many proposals we work on have a Wednesday due date. And we are such a small and highly scattered congregation (about 300 members (175 active) and a radius of about 30 miles) that more "stuff" is a difficult thing to contemplate. So, if spiritual growth won't come to Sheryl, Sheryl will go to spiritual growth. Or something like that. An Episcopal church and a Methodist church in the area are combining to conduct a workshop on Taize prayer next week (If you click the link, ignore the first thing in the article - I have no idea what spiritual molestation is, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know). I'm registering for it because I've always appreciated Taize, and I may gain some knowledge I can bring back to my congregation.
• My bracket for the NCAA tournament is totally screwed up, though my final four is still alive.
• I've decided that an anonymous benefactor is going to give me a million dollars (Of course I don't know who - he or she wouldn't be anonymous then would he or she?). I am then going to buy either an overpriced condo or an overpriced cottage in a retirement community, a really cool car, and a dog with floppy ears who I will name Harvey, Jr. Then Harvey and I will travel around the country writing about all the colorful people and things we encounter. I will be declared the Jack Kerouac of my generation, and then I will go live in my condo or retirement community with my faithful Harvey Jr. by my side. It's good to have a plan, no?
• Sonic's Vanilla Coke is a gift from God.
• As is dried pineapple from Whole Foods.
• Oh, and any vanilla ice cream.
• I had a very productive day today. I bought new car insurance (don't tell LADOTD, but I've been without it for a while), opened a new bank account (Money Market account for my student loan, that has no minimum balance and no fees and 5% interest rate), picked up a prescription, and wrote a note to someone that I'm not ready to talk about yet. Oh, and I did some work, too.
• I'm waiting to decide that I can go on vacation until I know for sure if I need to have surgery this summer (should know in April). But I really, really want to book it now and know that I can go away. I need to take time that is my own and reconnect with the part of myself that is still there, just floating around in the stratosphere lately. I've told y'all before that I'm planning to go to Holden Village and I still am. I think I've figured out how to finagle all the expenses that I'll be able to manage it.
• The only things I miss about cable are Comedy Central, TV Land, Animal Planet, and the Food Network. I think cable companies should have a way that you can only purchase the channels you want, and you bill is prorated for those channels.
• I shall share more stuff later this week, perhaps.

So, here are some of my random thoughts. I know you have been waiting for these with bated breath.

• I've said it before, but my church really needs to move the late service to 11:30. I would never miss a service if they did. Or, they need to implement my other idea. The other ELCA church in my city and my church need to get together and plan a Sunday evening service. The pastors could alternate week-by-week so neither of them would get stuck week after week. They could preach the same sermon they used on Sunday morning, and an LSU music student could handle the music (they like the experience of playing and singing traditional hymns). Dude, that would be perfect.
• Russel Stover Vanilla Creme Eggs are love.
• I hit an earthmover this weekend. It was his fault for not leaving me room to back out.
• I saw Zodiac this weekend. It was quite good, but it was the kind movie you had to think through. Oh, and there should be a law that you have to check your cell phones at the door of the theater if you can't control yourself.
• In yet another way the universe should conform to meet my needs, the St Patrick's Day Parade needs to start at 11 a.m. instead of 9 a.m. That is too early to get up and too early to drink at the company party.
• Oh, and the Pirates and Astros should play one series every year in Louisiana so I don't have to drive 5 hours just to see a big-league game.
• Plus, I would know before the end of April if I have to have surgery this summer so I can make vacation plans.
• I have something else floating around in my head, but I don't remember what it was. I shall have to share later.

OK. Amazon sent me this link which is supposedly the 200 definitive albums of the Rock era. I agree with some of their choices, but the Titanic Soundtrack? 50 Cent's first album? R. Kelly? And there was no Queen listed, I don't remember seeing REM (though I could be wrong). What's up with this list? Discuss.

Not a Big Surprise...

I always said I was just slightly to the left of center - this just confirms it. The war thing is totally off, though...

Neo-Liberal You scored 53% Personal Liberty and 31% Economic Liberty!

A neo-liberal believes in moderate government intervention on personal matters and moderate to high government intervention on economic matters. They believe in a social safety net or welfare state and try to balance personal liberty with safety or security. Some neo-liberals believe in more foreign intervention or war then most other leftists. Others are more like Centrist Democrats. More authoritarian-leaning Neo-liberals (such as personal 40/economic 30) are the result of a "fusion" between "old left" and "new right" tendencies.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Personal You scored higher than 99% on Economic

Link: The Politics Test written by brainpolice on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Hello, faithful readers. At the end of this very long week, I have worked about 75 hours, including the past 24 straight. It has ben an adventure, to say the least. Now, as soon as my boss gets back, I am going to leave and get something to eat. Then I'm going to try to find a way to stay up until at least 6 tonight. If I fall asleep before that, I'm afraid I'll wake up at 11 and not be able to get back to sleep.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have the time and the energy to write something substantial. Or perhaps not. The world may never know.

You know it is going to be a long week when it is Monday, and you already have 26 hours on your timesheet.

I'm still at work, so I will write more when time permits.

I love deadlines!

Yeah, Yeah

So I've been MIA for 10 days. What's it to ya?

But seriously...

I've been really busy this past week or so. I recovered from my cramps eventually, and stopped retaining water (and chocolate). We'll see what happens from here, I guess.

Last night I stayed up almost all night (fell asleep around 6). See, I was in bed, and almost asleep, when inspiration struck and I realized how to get past the point in the short story I am working on where I was stuck. I need to have it done by the end of the month to enter it into the contest I am working on it for, so naturally I got up and started typing. By the way, you need to check out Google Docs and Spreadsheets. It's word processing software you can access for free from anywhere, and you can save your documents on line. It also allows for others to collaborate on the same document. Very convenient for those of us who write in multiple places.

I have thoughts on Lent. They ar many and varied. I also have thoughts on why my church should move services to 11:15 or 11:30 on Sunday mornings, so that I will make it every week without oversleeping. I shall share those thoughts at a later date. Right now, I must go back to the drudgery of work. Enjoy Ash Wednesday, folks.

I'm sitting here on the couch shivering and whining because I STILL have cramps and debating about whether or not I should go into the office to deal with the little surprise I just got on the proposal that is due tomorrow. On the plus side, I'd probably get more work done in the office than I will here, on the minus, it is colder in the office than it is here. On the plus side, I wouldn't feel compelled to watch the guys from Nova Scotia rapping in Cajun French that are currently on the PBS station here, on the minus side, my cramps are worse when I'm sitting up than when I'm lying down. On the minus side, I really, really don't want to go anwhere - I just want to take a nap. Minus wins - I'm staying home.

Remind me not to let seven months go by with something not happening that should happen every month. That's a really, really bad idea.

I've turned of the Cajun Canadian rappers and I'm now watching a slightly creepy guy trying to sell a knock-off Bowflex machine. Did you know that lifting weights apparently makes your face skinny? According to this guy it does.

Oh, and I've determined that I will never be skinny. And that's OK. Being a size 0 or smaller is overrated. Though I do envy the metabolism those women must have.

OK. I'm going to switch back to the Cajun rappers and take a brief nap. Adeiu, all.

In deference to all my readers in colder climes, I won't complain about the fact that I can't seem to get warm. Yes, I know the temperatures here are in the 50's and 60's, and I know that seems like a heat wave to y'all, and in truth, it is actually warmer than the normals here (which are the 40's and 50's this time of year), but I'm cold, dammit!

Come summer of course, when we've had 4 consecutive months of temperatures in the high 90's, I'll be longing for these days.

Oh, and I still have cramps and I'm still cranky. And yesterday, I cried because the stoplight wouldn't change. And the day before, I cried because the guy took too long to bring my food at the drive through. Yeah, I'm a wee bit hormonal. I guess that's what happens when seven months worth of PMS gets unleashed all at once.

I never told you about my cool craft project, did I? I found a sweatshirt on ebay that combined two of my favorite things: Snoopy and my Alma Mater. Now, this shirt was old and well worn, and when I got it, I decided I loved it, but didn't want to wear it because the inside is all scratch now. So I turned it into a pillow.

I turned it inside out and sewed up the bottom. I did it by hand, so I used a blanket stitch, but if you use a machine, you could use a running stitch. Then I decided that I wanted the sleeves still on, but I didn't want to stuff them. So I sewed up the cuffs while it was still inside out, then I turned it rightside out through the neck hole, and sewed close the sleeves along the shoulder seams. Now, this shirt was an adult XL, so it took three bags of fiberfill to stuff it. Then I sewed closed the neck. I now have a wonderful, big, fluffy pillow.

You could stuff the sleeves, if you wanted, in which case you would skip sewing along the shoulder seams. Or you could get rid of the sleeves altogether by sewing along the shoulder seams when the shirt is inside out then cutting the sleeves off.

This would be a great thing to do for a sentimental t-shirt or sweatshirt, or that favorite piece of clothing a child has that they just don't want to stop wearing, even though it stopped fitting several years ago (it was a pair of pajamas for me).

Oh, and my new ambition in life is to design fancy teas.

Yeah, Coulda Called This

Knew I was an INFP, and of all the Harry Potter Characters, I would figure this one to be one, too.



Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

I have cramps. Nasty cramps. And about 3 days earlier than the earliest I expected them. Yesterday was the last day I took the hormones, and my endocrinologist said stuff should happen within 3-10 days. I thought I timed things so that I wouldn't be miserable until the weekend.

Surprise.

Go See This. And just think, Ohio readers, it is available in multiple locations in your fine state!

Well, if the fact that all I want to do is eat chocolate is any indication, the medicine to the...ahem...female things...going again is working. Tomorrow is the last day I'm supposed to take it, and results should happen within 10 days. I'll continue to keep you briefed. Not that any of you want to be briefed. But this is my blog, and if I want to share way too much information, I can.

So There.

(Imagine Sheryl sticking her tongue out in an incredibly juvenille manner)

I am freezing all the time. That makes me sad. My office is cold because they still have the air conditioning on, apparently. My apartment is cold because my door is broken, and they seem utterly unwilling to fix it - tape does not block cold very well. It's cold outside. And I seemingly have no tolerance for cold anymore. If I didn't know that my thyroid is apparently normal, I'd think it was low again.

I Have A New Goal in Life

I plan to become rich and famous, say and /or do something inappropriate, and enter "rehab" for a couple weeks. I clicked on a link to the "rehab" Lindsay Lohan just went to, and dude! What a setup! Luxury spas have nothing on this place.

How come doing or saying something that would get the rest of us fired at best, arrested at worse, nets famous folk a fancy vacation?

This is the best tea ever. I just had a cup, and it was like heaven. The Cranberry-Blood Orange sounds pretty good, too. The Ginger Peach is, of course excellent (Barnes and Nobel has that), and the Jerry Garcia Cherry is not bad.

Some people get into wine, I'm a tea geek.

Saw the endocrinologist yesterday. She was wonderful. I was very impressed with the way she took time to speak with me. She prescribed hormones to restart my cycle. She said that, based on the last ultrasound, my thyroid might be a little bit smaller - she estimated it was only three times the size it should be now (I shudder to think what it used to be, then). She also said that she was a little concerned by how lumpy it was, but she'd reevaluate it in a few months and decide from there what to do.

Oh, and on a slightly related note, the other medicine my doctor prescribed (and that the endo. increased the dosage on) is having wonderful effects. Without changing anything, I've lost another half size. I am comfortably wearing jeans that were really tight two weeks ago, and didn't fit at all a month ago.

Having hormones that work is a wonderful thing.

Hello, my faithful readers. I have two questions for you today.

First, does anyone want some Mardi Gras beads? I was straightening today, and I realized I still have a huge bag of them left over from a youth conference years ago. The literally grow on trees down here (OK, they are thrown from floats on trees), so I don't want or need them. If you do want some, e-mail me (addy is in my profile) with your address, and I'll send them off to you.

Second, I am working on a short story for a contest I read about at Faith in Fiction (link is on the sidebar, I think). I'll have a slightly gritty draft ready next weekend (in other words, I'll have done an edit - so the draft won't be rough, but it will be by no means a finished product, either). If anyone would like to read, comment, and rip apart, please drop me an e-mail on that as well. I'm never objective about my own writing, and usually think it is worse than it is.

I feel vaguely icky tonight. This new medicine is kicking my butt. I'm wondering if the dosage is too high. I feel like my blood sugar is dropping every few hours, and that I'll be sick if I don't eat.

OK. I'm going back to work. Yes, you read that right.

I just spent 5 hours editing the most god-awful proposal ever put to paper. And after 5 hours, it is still 10 pages of crap. At least now it is 10 pages of readable crap.

Oh, and the current incarnation of Saturday Night Live is also crap. It is crap with bad music.

You know what else is crap? My front door. I have a sliding glass door, and when I got home last night, I couldn't get it open. When I tried pushing with a hand on either side of the door, the left metal part of the door separated from the glass. I tried calling my building's emergency maintenance number, but it was out of service. I managed, with much cajoling and kicking, to get the metal part close to the glass and get the door open, but there is a gap between the metal and the glass large enough to fit the tip of my finger through. That sucks a whole lot.

In case you can't tell, I'm in a bit of a negative mood.

Hee!

Go read this. It's funny, but it makes me kind of sad, too. I watched a Nature special on either chimps or orangutans and how hard it is on ones that have been domesticated. It made me cry, actually. Some of them were actually afraid of being outside.

I am spending time discovering the wonders of YouTube in between past performance writeups and resumes. If I didn't I would have lost my mind already, as I have to work this weekend.

Enjoy this Easy Reader clip from The Electric Company. I loved this show more than anything when I was a kid. I really think that it played a huge part in my learning to read as early as I did. I can remember going places with my mom and dad and sounding out the signs around me. I can also remember being as excited about reading as Easy Reader. Before I could read, it was all I wanted to do. Once I learned, it was hard to pull books out of my hands.

Since it did work, let me share Alice Cooper and the Muppets from the greatest TV show ever put on the air, The Muppet Show. It is the only show I can remember watching with everyone from my grandmother to my teenage babysitter, and everybody loving.

I'm Supposed to be Working on Resumes...

But I hate that part of my job. So I decided I would learn how to post YouTube video to my blog. This is a test post from Sesame Street without the dreaded Elmo, and with REM. Let's see if it works.

I find it interesting that so many people I know have entered priesthood, religious life, or the ministry in some way, shape or form. I just found out that another classmate from days gone by is about to be ordained a Catholic priest.

I wonder what all that means...if it means anything at all.

Don't mind me. I am in a bit of a spiritual slump. I'm hoping to be able to go here for a retreat this year on my vacation. I really need that time of renewal.

Sigh

So I went to the doctor Monday for the annual thing (not the woman thing, the general thing). They took enough blood for all the world to use. The phlebotomist was good though, and I don't have a bruise.

The good news is that my thyroid is still normal, my cholesterol is excellent (she is still surprised by that), and my liver and kidney function is good. The bad news is that my blood sugar was slightly elevated. It wasn't high enough to be really worrisome, but it was high enough for me to see an endocrinologist and start being treated for PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which I already knew I had and which I was being treated for a long time ago.

So I'm taking a new medication. It has nasty GI side effects, which I'm not looking forward to. It also kept me up all night last night, despite not sleeping well the night before. And I really have to eat breakfast when I take it, or I risk my blood sugar dropping too low.

Sigh.

Hee!

This must be why no one ever knows where exactly I'm from. And I've been told that I have a good voice for broadcasting. Hmm.. Maybe I missed my calling...

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The West
Boston
Philadelphia
North Central
The South
The Northeast
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

So here is the soup recipe. It came from Whole Foods, and is called Sopa a la Minuta, or Minute Soup. Again, I've given their ingredients and my modifications (and suggested modifications.

1 lb ground beef

Don't get beef that is too lean - you want a little bit of grease for this.

1 Onion
1 Red Pepper
2 cloves Garlic

Again, I just used the creole mix here.

3.5 cups of Beef Broth

You are going to want at least 4. I would say even 5.

1 cup Water

Again, I used more, because I didn't have enough broth.

2 medium potatoes, peeled and diced into 1/2 inch pieces.

The recipe said Yukon Gold, but I don't think it matters.

1 TB Cumin
1 Bay Leaf

I didn't use either of these because I didn't have them and I didn't see the point in buying them if I don't use them on a regular basis. Instead, I just used a bit of Tony's. More on that later.

1/4 lb Capellini pasta

I used angel hair. Feel free to use the pasta of your choice.

The directions say to brown the meat in a large sauce pan, remove it, then soften the onion, bell pepper and garlic in a little bit of the beef fat. I cooked that stuff, along with some mushrooms, in a skillet with the beef because it was easier. The beef I bought was a little too lean, and I almost didn't have any fat in it. Then the directions say to out the beef broth, water and potatoes in the saucepan, bring it to a simmer, and cook for 10 minutes. I did that, but remember my meat and other stuff is in the skillet.

After the 10 minutes are up, add the pasta and simmer until al dente. I also added some corn and broccoli mix, because I like it. Then add the meat back in and cook until it is warm. If you use a bay leaf, don't forget to take it out.

This is a good, quick soup. Basically, a beef vegetable soup without having to go through the hassle of making broth, and technically with fewer vegetables unless you add them. Total cooking time, not counting peeling and dicing potatoes, was about 20 minutes. The recipe suggests that you can add some chiles too, if you want, but I don't like chiles, so I didn't

I've extolled the virtues of Tony's before, but let me give you a word of warning if you try it - a little goes a long way, and you can go from nicely seasoned to unpleasantly spicy very fast, especially if you aren't used to Louisiana cooking.

On a totally unrelated note, does anyone else think that CBS's new show, "Armed and Famous" is a really, really bad idea?

The casserole turned out really well. Here is the recipe, along with my modifications.

1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped green pepper

These three ingredients are in pretty much every recipe in Louisiana. They call them the Trinity. If you are lucky enough to live somewhere where you can pick up Creole mix, I recommend substituing that. It has all of the above, but also parsley and garlic. And you don't have to chop anything.

1 lb peeled raw shrimp

I know this tends to be pricey for those of you in the North. You can use the frozen ones, however, and that is a little less expensive. I recommend medium shrimp, but that is entirely up to you. I bought frozen myself this time, because shrimp season is just about over and the pickings were slim.

1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cheddar cheese soup

I chose instead to use a family sized an of cream of mushroom soup. I think cheddar cheese soup is a crime against nature. I did add some mozzarella crumbles, though. I like that.

Cooked rice

I chose to do noodles instead. Kind of an upscale tuna noodle casserole. I didn't cook the noodles, figuring they would cook in the sauce in the oven. If you do this, I would recommend adding some water, too.

1/4 cup of margerine.

I used butter instead of margerine partially because I like it better, and partially because it is slightly better for you than margerine - no transfats. If you wanted to be really healthy I guess you could use olive oil or canola oil, and a little less of it.

The directions say to sautee the first three ingredients and the shrimp in the butter in a large saucepan. I would recommend using a skillet instead. I think you would get better heat distribution that way. Plus, it's easier to stir. I also added some mushrooms and broccoli at this stage because I like them.

When the shrimp turn pink, turn off the heat and stir in the mushroom soup. I also stirred in half the cheese. Then stir in the rice or noodles. Transfer all of this to a 13 x 9 pan. If it isn't nonstick, you may want to use some Pam. I put the other half of the cheese on top, along with some mushrooms. Since I used uncooked noodles, I covered it with tin foil to keep the steam in. Bake it for 30-40 minutes at 350.

That's it, really. Though I did forget to say to use salt and pepper to taste. It really is quite good.

I'm also making soup tonight. I'll let you know how that works.

Shall I share my Saturday with you? I think I shall.

Well, it took me a while to get going today. Saturday is my slow day. Though lately most days have been slow days. I think that's because my thyroid is low again. I'll find out on Monday, I guess. Anyway, regular readers know that I don't have cable, which means I watch a lot of PBS on the weekends, because, well, the sports that are on the other stations are boring usually (though if a good basketball game is on, I'll sometimes watch that). So on a 20 year old Cajun cooking show, I saw a recipe for a shrimp casserole that looked really good and that I think I'm going to make tomorrow. If it turns out as good as it looks, I'll post the recipe tomorrow.

So when I finally got going, I went to Target to buy laundry detergent, which I actually forgot to buy. I did, however, buy bandages, a T-shirt in a really cool shade of blue, an umbrella (finally - we are entering rainy season here), and a cheap bottle of wine (Arbor Mist Sangria Zinfandel. It's one of my favorites, goes good with seafood, and is only $4 a bottle here). When I got to the register and checked out...I GOT CARDED!!! I haven't been carded since I was in my 20's. I know the guy was just following the rules, and I know I'm a young looking 35, but it still made me feel really good. I thanked him for carding me and left with a smile (but without my detergent. Sigh).

Then I went to Shoe Station to buy new tennis shoes. I've been buying Nike since I was in college. They generally fit well, don't rub in weird places, and have good arch support. I couldn't find a 9.5 wide, and I'm tired of 10's sliding off my heels. So I took a chance and bought New Balance. They seem to fit pretty well, so we'll see.

Oh, I bought socks at Target, too. Just thought you should know.

Then I decided to go get Chinese takeout. A place near where I just to work has a dinner special where you get two different entrees, rice, and an egroll for $6.95. Their food is pretty good, too. And their lunch special is only $3.95. Just thought I'd tell you in case you ever find yourself in Baton Rouge at lunch time. Well, I didn't end up going there. Instead, I went to Whataburger. I wanted onion rings, I ordered onion rings, and I ended up with fries. Sigh.

Still, though, between teh shrimp casserole and the carding, it ended up being a pretty good day - even if I don't have detergent.

Tomorrow I am supposed to go to lunch with the young adults at church. I don't know if I will. I think I'm in a different place than they are now. I wish we had another fellowship/spiritual/learning opportunity available that was more...age neutral. All we have is a Bible Study, but that happens during the day, so it is mainly retirees. Then there are the church ladies who make baby blankets, which is also during the day, and also mostly retirees. My pastor has talked to me about leading a book group at some point, but it is so hard for me to commit to a given time right now. My job has me working weird hours. We shall see.

You know, one of my guilty TV pleasures has been The Apprentice. In the past, I have really enjoyed watching supposedly intelligent and successful people make really stupid decisions. It makes me feel better about myself, sadly.

Well, I was killing time today, and surfed over to the NBC site to get a preview of this season. I think this season can be summed up by "pretty, priviledged people doing silly stuff in a pretty place." Seriously, no fewer than four of the female contestants and two of the males have been models at some point in their lives. They all seem to come from well-to-do backgrounds, and they all strike me as slightly frivolous.

I'll watch on Sunday, but I have a feeling it may not be must-see TV like it was in the past.

Plus, Donald Trump has pretty much lost any respect I might have had for him, which was miniscule at best. I'm not a fan of Rosie O'Donnell, but I don't think he has any room to name call.

This is a great picture. Darrell Sapp is a great photographer. I miss home.

Commercialism

Before you start wondering, I haven't forgotten my promised campaign post. It will just be delayed a couple of days. I figure I owe it to President Ford, the first president I can remember (I'm a little too young to actually remember Nixon's time in office). The 1976 campaign was the first where I more or less understood what was going on. I clearly remember my dad reading editorial cartoons to me about the campaign and explaining them. Yes, we were a somewhat weird family.

But, my friend, this post is about commercials. Specifically, bad commercials. This article in Slate doesn't mention the series of commercials that drive me up a wall. Those would be the air freshener commercials (can't remember if it is Glade or Airwick) with the cartoon animals talking about how much better their lives are with this air freshener. Now, the octopus mother annoys me because she and her offspring don't seem to be living under water. The new one with the skunk husband annoys me because why would his wife care if he smells if she is a skunk too? But then again, she may not be.

The commercial I hate most of all is the one with the elephant married to a centipede. WTF? How would that even work? Think about the scale here, people. Even if you are talking about one of those crazy, huge, jungle centipedes, The elephant is still about 4000 times bigger. And what would the offspring be like. And why are animals suddenly concerned about smelling bad anyway? And where would an elephant and a centipede meet and fall in love. It absolutely drives me nuts!

The new ones for the cough medicine with the mother animals and their babies make me nuts, too. The one where the baby wolf almost gets shot by the farmer because he coughs when he was out trying to count sheep was bad enough, but the one with the anteater not being able to eat ants because his nose is stuffed up is horrible. Especially as we watch the ants race toward his mouth after he takes the cough medicine. These commercials try to be cute but end up being creepy and violent.

OK. I am done ranting now. Except for this article. People who treat their pets like they are people, and in fact treat them better than they would treat some people, should have their heads examined, and should be forced to pay a fee equal to the amount they waste on pet massage and nail polish to a charity that supports the homeless or the working poor. When I am president, I shall issue an executive order to that effect.