Monday, April 30, 2007

Ok. True Confession Time!

I am scared shitless about this surgery tomorrow. I've never been under general anesthesia, and no matter how many times everybody tells me it will be OK, I'm still terrified.

I'm petrified that my voice is going to end up weaker, not stronger. The vocal nerves are literally right next to the thyroid. The single biggest risk of this surgery is vocal damage. People have always complemented my reading voice. It has been getting progressively weaker, an I'm scared it will be gone all together.

I'm really scared of being alone. I have no family here, and the friend I would normally depend on is 8 1/2 months pregnant. I hate burdening people with my troubles, and I hate being a burden in general.

I have no idea what to expect after this surgery. The surgeon was really abrupt, and his nurse or assistant, or whatever didn't really answer any questions. The internet was no help, either.

I know there are lots of people all over praying for me. I know my parents are joining their own prayers in heaven. I know I just need to put it in God's hands and trust Him. But having that knowledge and doing something with it are two different things.

Well, if you happen across my blog, and you think about it tomorrow around 1 p.m. Central, send a few prayers toward the staff at Baton Rouge General Bluebonnet. It can't hurt.

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