A Little Levity....

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I have a serious and thoughtful entry planned, but I need a little more time to ruminate before I put it all together.

News

I saw an interview this morning. I don't know whow was being interviewed or why his opinion mattered, and I can't find a transcript of the interview.

Anyway, this guy criticized Baton Rouge for being racist because buses carrying refugees from New Orleans were being directed to other cities. He said these people were hurting and how dare we turn them away.

Now Mayor-President Kip Holden was the one who declared that Baton Rouge was full. Kip Holden is African-American. I doubt he did it as an act of racism.

The fact of the matter is that with all the businesses relocating to Baton Rouge, and the thousands upon thousands who are currently displaced to here, Baton Rouge can't handle any more people. We just can't.

And don't think we don't feel guilty about it. Don't think for a moment it gave Kip Holden any pleasure to say that. But the safety of the people who are here has to be paramount. There are so many vehicles on the road right now, and so many people walking around the city, that there are just accidents waiting to happen.

The other thing I heard was State Senator Cleo Fields criticizing the fact that quite a few refugees are being housed out of state. He said that Louisiana needs to be able to take care of its own. That's a wonderful sentiment, but it isn't realistic. Where are we supposed to put people? I'm not saying that housing them in the Astrodome is a wonderful thing. But at least they are protected from the elements and at least they have air conditioning. That wouldn't necessarily be the case if we stuck them in a field in tents somewhere here.

Kathleen Blanco finally made a good decision and hired James Witt who was the director of FEMA in the Clinton administration. There will finally be someone who has a clue in charge.

How Insulting!

In Biloxi, Miss., Bush encountered two weeping women on a street where a house had collapsed and towering trees were stripped of their branches. "My son needs clothes," said Bronwynne Bassier, 23, clutching several trash bags. "I don't have anything."

"I understand that," Bush said. He kissed both women on their heads and walked with his arms around them, telling them they could get help from the Salvation Army. "Hang in there," he said.

When I read that this afternoon, I became so angry. George Bush as no idea what these women are going through. He doesn't understand what it means to have literally nothing left. He grew up in privledge. He never had to stress about Daddy losing his job, or not having health insurance for his child. And he surely was never homeless.

And to give these women a flip comment like, "Hang in there?" What is that? How can you hang in when you have nothing to hang on to?

This article was very interesting. It makes you wonder exactly what the head of FEMA has been watching this past week.

And Kathleen Blanco has not impressed me at all. She has come off as weak and incompetant during all this. I didn't vote for her, and I know quite a few people who wish they hadn't either.

Oh, Jesse Jackson just needs to go away. This is a big enough mess without his involvement. Not to mention the rest of us made these observations days ago.

The only politicians I can respect in this mess are Bobby Jindal, Kip Holden, Mary Landrieu, David Vitter, and Haley Barbour.

Life Goes On?

I'm in my own apartment with power, and air conditioning. It's exciting.

I had a revelation today. For the majority of people in the United States, Katrina is not the only topic that consumes their minute to minute existance. I find that hard to comprehend, because every topic of conversation here, every action, every everything, revolves around Katrina. On the off chance you have a conversation that is somehow not about Katrina, guilt sets in and someone tries to turn it back to that.

And you know, I think we get a little ticked off when we realize that there are people who are living there lives as business as usual. A friend just IM'd me and said, "how are things?" I responded:

• My power just came on today after being off for four days
• Baton Rouge has doubled in size in less than a week
• And my company is working to account for and accomodate 200 employees and 1300 patients
• How are you?

And he just responded, "I'm fine," like it was a casual conversation and what I said wasn't anything out of the ordinary. It made me really mad.

But you know, I can't stay mad about it. The fact of the matter is that unless you are down here and are experiencing what is going on, you can't understand what an all-encompassing nightmare this is.

My manager had to tell one of our employees that she does not have a house to come home to. As she watched the national coverage, they kept referring to New Orleans and showing pictures of the Ninth Ward. She never heard the name of her town (Metairie) or the name of her parish (Jefferson). She didn't know that her house had been completely covered in water. She showed up at one of our agencies in Georgia and the director was just so impressed with how positive she was. She didn't know then.

Now, that co-worker can barely think. She can't make rational decisions about her future. She's paralyzed.

My manager cries everytime she things about it. She also cries about the fact that an employee at another Georgia agency offered our co-worker a 2 bedroom apartment rent free, and that the employees in the agency where she showed up took up a collection for her to allow her to buy the necessities.

That's reality. It's also reality that there are over five thousand people living in our convention center dowtown, and another few thousand living in various churches. It's reality that our school system has to figure out what to do with another 40,000 students. It's reality that tempers are flaring in everyone in this city because we know that we can't support another 250,000 people in the metro area, and we feel terrible about it.

Even though my life wasn't terribly affected by Katrina, I know I will never be the same person. I find myself becoming more passionate about the poor in our community, since they were the ones who wer hurt the most by this mess. They are the ones who were forgotten about. They are the ones who will likely never recover from this.

I find myself very bitter about the national government. Now you may think that is normal for a quasi-liberal like me in a conservative administration. And to an extent you are right. But when I see and think about what a mess FEMA and the federal and state governments have made of all this, I am sickened.

Life will go on. But it will never be the same.

A Time of Celebration

I HAVE POWER!!!

Now all I have to do is find a grocery store with food - a challenge bigger than you might think.

Sigh

I can't stay with my friend who has power anymore. She and her husband are selling their house quick because they can make a profit since rich folks from the New Orleans area are relocating to Baton Rouge.

I'm not sure I'll make it 'till Monday.

And that sounds so pathetic. At least I have a home. But I almost envy the folks in the River Center. They have power, and air conditioning, and all that stuff.

Then I kick myself for thinking like that.

Someone happened upon my blog by searching to see if there was any damage to Louisiana School for the Deaf in Baton Rouge. If you find your way back, there was minimal wind damage, same as the most of the rest of Baton Rouge. I think classes are resuming next Tuesday.

Clarification

I know a lot of you are seeing nothing but bad stuff about Louisiana on the news. Let me assure you that what is happening is not representative of business as usual in our state.

The entire state is stressed right now. Almost overnight, Baton Rouge has increased in size by a third. A lot of the parish still doesn't have power (including me). Temperatures are in 90s. Tempers are short.

We just need help.

Living in a Post Katrina World

I still don't have power at home. My apartment was over 90 degrees last night. I stayed with one of my co-workers who had power. It was wonderful.

We have been working on finding our displaced employees. They are scattered all over the southeast. We've also been tryng to find RVs to house folks. We've struck out in Louisiana, Texas, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. We're working on Tennessee and Kentucky now, and may try Georgia. If anyone has one they want to donate for at least a month, leave me a comment with a way to contact you. We will pay you rent, and we'll even come get it.

When I finally get power back on, I will volunteer to house people in my apartment. I may not have much, but I have a living room floor,air conditioning, and hot water.

My company also has a relief fund for our employees through our non-profit foundation. If you are interested in donating, let me know.

I donated two days of PTO. I know it's not much, but I don't have a lot in the way of cash right now. When I get paid next week I'll donate more.

The looting going on in New Orleans is ridiculous. I understand people looking for food and clothing, but big-screen TV's? Guns? Furniture? What exactly are they going to do with them? People are shooting at rescue workers. It is utter chaos.

We are feeling more of the impact here now. A lot of our smaller water systems are under boil alerts. The city is full to bursting with people.

Through it all, though, people are stepping up and doing what they can. I think everyone here realizes just how blessed we are. We are only 60 miles from the hardest hit area, and the most that most of lost were a few trees and power.

My only real fear is that assistance will dry up after the immediacy of the situation fades. People are going to need help for months and years to come.

I just saw my first pictures of New Orleans and Biloxi on MSN.

God.

There is nothing else I can say.

The Aftermath

I'm safe. Thank God. I have no power at home, and probably won't until next week, but I'm safe.

I don't have the words right now to describe what is happening in South Louisiana. It's beyond overwhelming. There are about 67,000 evacuees in Baton Rouge alone, and about that many in Houston.

We lost at least 10 of our agencies, and almost all of those employees lost their homes.

I'll write more when I've been able to process a little bit more.

If you want to help, donations to the Red Cross would be appreciated.

God is Good

Katrina's eye has taken a slight turn east and weakened a little bit. She's still a category 4, but the eye is less massive and less organized. We will most likely still lose power here in EBR, and New Orleans will probably still have some flooding, but no where no where near the catastrophic mess that was forecast just six hours ago.

The coast is still going to get hit hard, both in Louisiana and Mississippi. I hate to sound cold, but that's a good thing. They are used to these storms there, and are better equipped to deal with them. New Orleans wouldn't have been able to deal.

I just heard something go bump outside. The wind is picking up, and something must have flown into something else.

I'm going to lose power sometime soon. I'll update when it comes back on.

Thanks for the prayers. The Big Guy is listening.

Waiting is the Hardest Part

Been watching the coverage on the local news. The anticipation of what is going to happen is almost as bad as what will happen.

I wish my boss had called me. I'm worried about her and her family. She literally lives in the middle of nowhere. The good news is that she lives on a sand and gravel pit. I don't think there will be a problem with obtaining sandbags.

The news is still scary. I'll post again around midnight if I still have power. I think I will. We've only had two small rain bands pass through so far, thought the wind is picking up a little bit.

Weird Observations

It's funny how life goes on even when we are facing a potentially devastating storm.

People are out doing laundry (myself included). The students in my building are treating it as a bonus day off classes. There's a bunch of them partying in the pool right now. Someone else is barbequeing.

I don't know if that is a testament to the youth of the residents of my building, or an acknowledgement that there is nothing we can do so we might as well just go on.

Well, my car is fuled up. My bathtub is full, and I will soon have clean clothes. The office is closed tomorrow (which I was anticipating).

Obladee Obladah. Life goes on.

Here Comes the Rain

The first of the outer rain bands has just hit EBR. People are still leaving New Orleans.

A lot of people in my building have taped their windows. I don't see the point. If a tree is going to come through your window, a piece of masking tape isn't going to do anything to stop it.

I should drive home to Pittsburgh. I'm really scared.

Katrina Update

NOAA has just issued a weather bulletin that says that, for all intents and purposes, New Orleans is essentially going to be destroyed.

I really am freaked by all this. This is the first time a hurricane has made me really worried. The two parishes to the immediate east of EBR are under mandatory evacuation.

They said it should make landfall around 3 a.m. I doubt I'll sleep tonight.

Katrina

I've been in South Louisiana for three years now, and this is the first time I've been afraid of a hurricane.

Katrina is a category 5 storm now. If it continues on it's current path, it could absolutely devastate the Louisiana and Mississippi Gulf Coast. It also has the potential to cause tremendous damage to New Orleans, which sits below sea level and is essentially shaped like a bowl, just waiting to be filled up with the expected downpours (parts of Florida got over 20 inches when it hit there).

I'm east of where it is expected to hit, which is good. That's always the weaker side of the storm. The electricity guy said this morning that we could potentially be without power for several days though. I have an electric stove and can't cook if that happens.

I'll keep updating as long as I can today if anything changes. If you happen upon this page and if you think about it, praying for us down here in the Gulf South would be appreciated.

Really?

You are Percy Bysshe Shelley! Famous for your
dreamy abstraction and your quirky verse,
you're the model "sensitive poet." A
vegetarian socialist with great personal charm
and a definite way with the love poem, you
remain an idol for female readers. There are
dozens of cute anecdotes about you, and I love
you.


Which Major Romantic Poet Would You Be (if You Were a Major Romantic Poet)?
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I always fancied myself more of a William Blake type, but OK.

Uh...Music?

I had a weird weekend in terms of music for several really weird reasons.

First, I was driving somewhere and listening to Weekend America on NPR. I find myself listening to NPR a lot lately, which has nothing to with anything except I thought I'd note it. Anyway, one of the hosts said that his friend has a theory that whatever song is number 1 on the day you are born has a profound effect on your life. You can go to this website and find out what song was number 1 on your birthday.

Well, of course I had to do it. And on May 13, 1971, the number 1 song was...

Joy to the World by Three Dog Night

Huh.

I didn't even know they did a version of that song. I'm only familiar with Credence Clearwater Revival's version.

Well, I can't say I ever drank a bullfrog's wine. And I don't know that there is anything else in that song that applies to my life even remotely. Jeremiah is my favorite book of the Bible though. Maybe, if you stretch it really, really, really far, you can make that apply.

Interestingly, the first time I did this, I got My Sweet Lord by George Harrison. I have no idea what date I put in to get that, because I can't get it to come up again. That would actually be vaguely more fitting for me.

No, I never became a Hari Krishna, but I have always been fascinated by world religions. I had a theory that I was daft and overconfident enough to try to prove when I was in 10th grade for my IEP in World Cultures in the gifted program. My theory was that there was only one God, but that that divine being manifests itself differently in different cultures. That, in and of itself isn't necessarily a radical idea. The overconfidence comes in the fact that I tried to prove it, at least as far as I could and get away with it in a public high school.

Well, needless to say I failed. I learned a heck of a lot not only about major world religions, but also some tribal religions and cults throughout the world, though.

So on Sunday in Church, the Gospel reading was from...Matthew, I think (yeah, I grew up Catholic - we're not good at the Bible thing). It was the reading where Jesus asks his apostles, "Who do you say that I am?" and Simon Peter responds, "You are the Messiah, the Son of the Living God." The pastor based part of his sermon on the whole idea of faith versus reason, and that's when I had this revelation about what my folly was back in 10th grade (it's only taken my 19 years to figure it out).

God isn't a geometry theorum to be tested and proven. God just is. I can no more prove God that I can prove that there will be 7 feet of snow in South Louisiana in December 2015. It isn't withing my capacity as a human being.

When I was in 10th grade that was unacceptable to me. Despite the fact that I'm one of those abstract creative types, when it came to God, I wanted proof. I never didn't believe, I just wanted the cold hard facts that showed that what I believed was true.

Now, I'm OK with the fact that I can't prove God. Maybe I've mellowed. Maybe I've realized that proof isn't always everything it's cracked up to be. Maybe I've just come to terms with the fact that there are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy (had to get my Shakespeare in there).

So, the whole point of this rambling post is to say that I'm OK with the fact that God just is.

Oh, and the other weird thing that happened with music this weekend is that someone in church asked me if I would be willing to be in the bell choir.

.

.

.

I have no rhythm. I have no music. I'm tone deaf. I'm a horrible choice to ring bells.

So why did I say I'd think about it?

Anyone have a spare gmail invite?

I'm getting ready to leave AOL and need to switch to web-based e-mail. Gmail would make me happy.

Sorry for the blatant begging.

OH...

And my computer is back and working, too. Though I'd forgotten how slow dial-up is...

Guess I've Adapted to the Deep South a Little...

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

25% Dixie

15% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I'm currently reading Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. My friend Amy recommended this book to me when it first came out, along with Bird by Bird, and I had every intention of reading them. And I am - it just took me 6 yeard to get around to it. Interestingly enough, I am now just about the age Amy was when she recommended them. Hmm. Must be a mid-30s, searching for a deeper spiritual life thing.

Anyhow, I picked this book up because it was referenced in another book that my pastor loaned me. When I saw it, I was reminded of that long ago promise to read it, and I reserved it at the library. It came in yesterday, and when I picked it up I couldn't put it down. Lamott just has a way of expressing herself that is simultaneously poetic and straight-forward. And admire how she is comfortable enough in who she is to lay her life out for all to read about. It takes guts to be that vulnerable.

I've been thinking about my own topsy-turvy journey of faith lately. There was never truly a time in my life when I didn't belive that God existed. Sure, there have been plenty of times that I doubted if God cared about li'l ol' me. And it's somewhat beyond my comprehension that anyone could ever think that there wasn't a power greater than themselves in the universe.

But by the same token, I'm a little jealous of those who were atheists who have come to believe. I wish I could remember that moment, that instant, where I realized the reality of God.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful that I was rocked to sleep every night of my infanthood with "Jesus Loves Me." And I'm grateful that I can remember my parents being so proud of me for being able to say the Lord's Prayer before I started kindergarten, when so many of my classmates were still learing it in first grade. And I'm more grateful than I can ever express that God has given me the gift of faith.

But sometimes I wish I knew that spark, that "a-ha" moment when I knew that God was real. I mean, I've had encounters with God (and when I say "God," in my head we're talking the Trinity) that I can recall as being more intimate than words can express. And at times in my life, my relationship with God was so close that God seemed almost physically near me.

Still, I can't help feeling like I'm missing out on something big. Is that petty and conceited of me? Perhaps.

I do have more that I want to say on this whole topic. I'm hoping to have computer access restored at home soon. Until then (or until I get to the library and have time to write)...

Still Alive...

...despite the infrequent posting.

It's hard to blog when you don't have internet access at home. The library has timers on their computers, and I inevitably run out of time before I'm finished writing. And I've been busy at work an unable to sneak a few minutes in.

I swear I'm taking my computer to get it fixed on Friday. Then you can all be treated to more of the wonder that is me.

I Have a New Goal in Life

I want to speak at the National Association of Business Educators (or whatever they call themselves), and tell them to stop obsessing over whether or not their keyboarding students are looking at their fingers when they type. I look at my fingers occassionally, and I type faster now than I did in when I took typing in high school, when Ms. Allie gave me a D for looking at my fingers. Besides, nobody ever got fired for looking at their fingers when they type. Managers don't care about your style - they just want accuracy and results.

Thank you for listening to my dreams.

Blah, Blah, and More Blah

Well, I just found out that I'm working all weekend, again. Thought I'd take some time at the end of the day here to blog, since it seems I will never get out of this office.

Well, I know some of you are waiting to hear what happened on the worst day of my professional life. Here's your chance.

That morning AC, J, and I were to present the work we had been doing on an analysis to T, our boss. AC, who is the analyst in our group, was out at some training class when T first got wind of the project from BB, her boss. To do the preliminary work, J, T, and I literally stayed up all night one night mining data from a variety of databases (and since my computer is not up to snuff lately and since I don't have a company laptop, I spent it in the office). When AC got back in two days later, T went over the whole scope of the project, and exactly what our roles were to be (I was to gather the needed data in certain areas, J was to do a particular type of analysis, and AC was to coordinate it all for her statistical stuff). Well, I did my part and then some. J did her part, and AC didn't do anything remotely resembling what T wanted because what she did do showed that the differences in revenue weren't statistically significant, so she figured she didn't have to do anything more, despite the fact that BB wanted the information.

Oh, and the only time that whole week that AC spoke to me was to tell me that what I was doing (what T and BB wanted) was nice, but she was going to need me to reformat all the data for her in order to do her correlation analysis. I asked her why she couldn't use the data in the form that already existed and she said, in a very condescending tone, "Well, you just wouldn't understand."

I lost it at that point and responded, "Look, I'm doing what T asked me to do. You do what you need to do, and I'll go from there."

She replied to me saying (again in a condescending tone), "I'm just trying to communicate with you, Sheryl. You do have to get so upset."

I replied saying, "I apologize if I'm a little snippy, but I'm tired. J, T and I stayed up all night working on this while you were at your class. I'm trying to do this and my regular work and core team work, and work for BB, and work for JC. Forgive me if I seem stressed." (JC is another co-worker, not Jesus - though I do try to work for Him, too)

She didn't speak to me again that whole week

Well, needless to say, T was not happy in the slightest when we "presented" our work. She put J, AC and me in a conference room and told us she expected us to have what she wanted by the end of the day. If I hadn't gone further than I was supposed to with the analysis, we wouldn't have hand any data to work with.

What an excruciatingly painful process. AC, for all her Masters degrees and statistical knowledge, has no idea about analyzing information. There was one particular statistic she kept insisting had no impact on revenue, and I kept showing her that it did, in fact, have a huge impact on revenue. We kept going around and around, AC getting more frustrated, me getting angry, and J trying her best to get the job done. Finally, J had enough and went and told T that either AC or J was going home, but that we couldn't keep going around in circles.

T came into the conference room and tried one more time to explain things to AC. She just kept getting redder and redder, and seemed on the verge of a breakdown. T then took her into her office. A few minutes later T came in to get me. She asked me to tell her exactly what transpired during the week she was gone (she was at a corporate leadership meeting). I did, and I discovered that AC was trying to pin our failure solely on me. Now, I have no problem in saying that I could have handled things better. I told T that the day before, and I said that in front of AC. But T made it clear that AC was to come to J and me and to get our information to use in her analysis, but she never did. T began to lay into AC while we were there, but before she got very far, she sent me back to the conference room.

Well, a little while later, AC came back to the room, visibly upset, to get her things. She said to me, "Sheryl, I don't know what I did to make you so angry with me, but how could you do this to me?" I told her that there was nothing personal, but that when T asked me how things went, I had to tell her the truth. She then said, "I don't understand! I've always liked you, I've always treated you well..." etc. I started to respond to her, but then I stopped myself saying that I didn't want to say something I'd regret. Like I know she pawned her work off on me when she was planning her daughter's wedding. Or I know that she was doing work for her other job while I was downloading and converting file after file that she was supposed to be doing. Or that I resented the fact that I did 3/4 of the market analyses that went out with her name on them. Or...well, you get the picture. I then went out into the hall for a bit to cool down.

When I came back, AC wasn't gone yet, and T ushered me into her office to wait until she left. After she did, T came in to see how I was, and I told her what happened, which she made me write up for HR. Then she, J and I went over what we still needed to do.

The next day when I came in, T said that AC would be in, but was to sit at her desk and work and not speak to anyone. T also told me that she was working behind closed doors that day. A little later on, T sent me an e-mail telling me to go home at 2:30, and to take J's laptop and work at home.

Oh, and AC wrote me this apology:

Sheryl,
II apologize for anything I've done or said that offended you. It truly was unintentional. I certainly don't have any ill feelings toward you. I was happy that you got hired as you work very hard and I enjoy working with you. I hope I can make it up to you.

If you knew AC at all, you would know how insincere that really was.

Well, after I left that day, T fired AC.

I've been feeling guilty about it and making myself ill over it (plus the million things that I seem to get volunteered for) for the past two weeks. I know it isn't my fault. AC was not a competant analyst. Nonetheless, whether it is because I used to more or less work with her or because she was sick, or whatever it was, I felt guilty.

A wise person once told me (or I read somewhere) that it is the height of arrogance to feel guilty over something you can't control. Knowing that intellectually and knowing that in your heart are two different things, though.

So that's the whole sordid story. Perhaps tomorrow at the library I'll write about the crappy day I had today, which started with oversleeping, had an adventure that probably resulted in me breaking my toe in the middle, and finding out I had to work this weekend at the end.

Paranoia

Not mine, but someone else's.

Even though I don't exactly consider myself Catholic anymore (I think), I still read the Pittsburgh Catholic, mainly because I sometimes see people I know in it. I also read the columns, because sometimes they really are interesting.

Today I read a column by Robert Lockwood, who is the general manager of the paper. Now, I've heard him speak before, and I know he tends to see anti-Catholic consipiricies (did I spell that right?) around every corner, and in every piece of legislation to wind it's way through Congress. But this is ridiculous.

In this article, he is comparing oranges to bananas - they aren't even the same shape! Funding and assistance to non-public schools has nothing to do with the display of religious symbols on government owned property.

To be honest, I don't think the government should provide aid to non-public schools. In the vast majority of cases, non-public schools are little more than a status symbol to the parents who send their children there. It's an excuse to turn a blind eye to the fact that our public schools are failing. When the people with money and power don't have to care whether or not their children will receive a quality eduction in a public school, they don't care whether any child does. It isn't just.

Now, I don't have issue with the public school district using their buses for non-public school students, as long as it is done across the board (in Louisiana, only Catholic schools can use public school buses, none of the others can). And I don't have a problem with non-public school students receiving remedial aid from something like an intermediate unit (as they do in Pennsylvania). But funding for actual instruction? Tuition vouchers? Not so much.

And again, I don't understand the big deal with displaying the Ten Commandments on the grounds of county courthouses. These were not only religious law to the ancient Hebrews, but civil law as well. In addition, they frankly form the basis for much of the civil law in the western world. It isn't a big deal for them to be there.

But to suggest that the court orders that they be removed are anti-Catholic are ridiculous. In fact, the vast majority of people arguing against their removal are not Catholic, but are fundamentalists and memebers of the religious right. I bet if you interviewed the average "Catholic-on-the-street," the majority wouldn't have an opinion one way or another.

Sorry about the rant. I don't do it often, but I had to get it off my chest.

Hmm...

Don't quite understand why this is first, when the Sacrament one had a higher percentage, but Oh, well.

You scored as Mystical Communion Model. Your model of the church is Mystical Communion, which includes both People of God and Body of Christ. The church is essentially people in union with Christ and the Father through the Holy Spirit. Both lay people and clergy are drawn together in a family of faith. This model can exalt the church beyond what is appropriate, but can be supplemented with other models. Sacrament model 73% Mystical Communion Model 72% Servant Model 61% Herald Model 39% Institutional Model 17% What is your model of the church? [Dulles] created with QuizFarm.com

I know you are waiting....

But I don't have 'net access at home right now (yeah, computer problems again). Tomorrow should be a very quiet day at work, so I'll try to write the deep stuff then.

Thoughts on Harry Potter 6

I swear I'm going to get deep tomorrow. But I'm too tired to be deep today, and I'm a little sick (have been since the fiasco that left friends wondering if I was OK, though I never actually did consume any alcohol. I just like to say that I'm going to).

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was so worth the wait. It has been interesting to watch Harry and Co., as well as Rowling's writing style, mature as time has gone on. I'm not going to give away any specifics in case some unsuspecting person happens along here by clicking Next Blog, but here we go...

• Snape - I know he's just a nasty git, but I still don't think he's completely evil, despite his actions in this book. I really think that he and Dumbledore discussed what he would have to do when the situation at the end of the book arose, and that "look of hatred" was self-directed rather than directed outward.
• Voldemort - Loved the backstory, and some things make a whole lot more sense now. Also like the comment on cousin breeding we get when we meet Tom's grandfather. It made me giggle. It also shows that Rowling intends these books for an older audience
• Harry - Liked how he matured. Some people commented that they thought his recovery from Sirius's death was too abrupt, but I think it was a sign of maturity. Realizing that no matter how much you want the person you are grieving for to come back, nothing will change the fact that they are dead, and you are not and that you have to live is a real way of coping. Loved the Harry/Ginny action, hated what happened at the end. I think that it really is only a pause, though, and not a true end.
• Ron/Hermione - Please let them finally realize that they are crushing on each other, and get the fighting done with. It was funny, but a bit overdone in this one.
• Dumbledore - People who want to make this into an allegory for the Christ story always tend to cast Harry into the role of Christ because of his "Savior of the Wizarding World" title. I have always argued that it is really Dumbledore in that role (though I don't like forcing allegory where none really exists). If you buy into the allegory thing, I think my point is proven in this book. I always thought of Harry more as an apostle than the Christ figure, and again I think that is proving true.
• Hogwarts - Yeah, it will reopen. And Harry will return, but perhaps with a detour thrown in beforehand
• Bill - Yikes
• Neville - The one thing I was hoping for more of and didn't get in this book. I love Neville, and I love his interaction with Harry and Co.

I guess that's all. I'm heading home now to watch Hell's Kitchen, my new guilty pleasure.

Read this on Amy's blog. Interesting.

I'm a process person myself, even when I'm blocked and frustrated. When I finally get to the point of a finished product, I'm never content with it. I think that's why it takes me so long to get to that point. Every time I open up something I'm working on, I revise it again - sometimes minor changes, but sometimes big, huge, sweeping, substantive changes. When you keep doing that, it's hard to get to a finished product.

So I haven't written about the horribile, terrible, no good, very bad day yet. I'm not quite ready to do so. Just let me say that I'm fine. In reality I'm only involved on the periphery, but reality and...well...reality are two different things (yes, I meant to write what I just did).

One Last Thing...

...before I go home and drown my sorrows.

New best search phrase ever:

"autobiography of benjamin franklin compared to machiavelli"

I'm pretty sure I never wrote about bejamin franklin, and I remember writing about machiavelli at some point, but have no idea the context.

GAH!

Today was far and away the worst day of my professional life, and that includes the mess at the CCC. I'm going to go home and drink an entire bottle of wine, and if I live to tell the tale, I'll write about it tomorrow.

I Never Do This, But...

Two quizzes in a row. This is amazingly accurate, actually...

You're Lebanon!

Your room's a mess. Your house is a mess. Heck, your life
is a mess. It all used to be really beautiful, and someone even compared you to Paris
once, but that's all been replaced with heartache and struggle. You're small, have been
influenced by outsiders for too long, and don't know what to think about religion. At
least you smell rather pleasant!
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Interesting...

I like Vonnegut, but I've never read this. May have to stop by B&N on the way home...

You're Mother Night!

by Kurt Vonnegut

Nobody knows what to believe about you, and you know least of all. You
spent most of your time convinced that the ends justify the means, but your means were,
well, downright mean! And the end is nigh. Meanwhile all you want is to travel back in
time, if not to change, then to just delight in the way it used to be. You are who you
pretend to be. Oh yes, you're the great pretender.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I'm a Horrible Human Being, Aren't I?

OK. Here's the story.

I've written about Annoying Co-Worker many times. AC and I are like oil and water in terms of personality. Add to that the weird dynamic that we are on the same level now and that she used to supervise me (well, watch me do all the work that she was supposed to be doing), and the fact that she has a naturally very condescending tone, and well, I just don't get along with her.

I spent the weekend fretting about this huge project our department has to do and that I have to work with her on. She is slower than kingdom come in her work, and what she produces is never first-quality. I very frequently have to go back over her work and fix it before it can make it into the hands of the person it was intended for. Yet she gets all the privledges in the world, such as going to training classes, a laptop, a Treo, etc. And she makes about $20K more a year than I do.

Well, on Friday morning, after we were assigned this project on Thursday (actually the other three of us in the office stayed up until the wee hours on Wednesday night/Thursday morning starting it), she comes in and looks at what I had been working on and says in a terribly condescending manner, "I looked at what you've been doing, and it's...good...really. But I'm not going to be able to use it to do my analysis." That was the wrong thing to say to me at that point in time. I asked her what she meant, and she said that she needed to have all the monthly information in one table in order to do the correlation analysis. I replied that our manager wanted a month-by-month comparison, and asked her why they all had to be in one table. She replied that I couldn't possibly understand and neither could our manager because we aren't statisticians. At that point I yelled at her that I was gathering the data and putting it in the format our manager asked for, and that she could do whatever she needed to do. She yelled back and said, "God, Sheryl, I'm just trying to communicate with you!"

I replied, "I'm sorry if I'm snippy, but J and T and I all were up until 2 a.m. or later pulling together the preliminary analysis on this Wednesday night and I'm just plain tired, so you do what you need to do, and I'll do what I need to do, and we'll just go from there." Yeah, it wasn't the most professional thing I could have done.

Well, T (the manager) is at a corporate leadership conference this week. I've looked at what AC has produced, and all she had done is to combine the files and to save them in three different databases. That's it. J and I were really worried that she wasn't going to produce what needed to be done, which isn't fair to T because she already has enough on her plate. So we decided while AC was out of the office at a doctor's appointment that we would our parts of the project as well as AC's part, so that T wouldn't be stressed when AC didn't give her what she wanted next week.

Then, the CIO's (T's boss) secretary called and the CFO was looking for a report that AC was supposed to have done weeks ago, and apparently never finished. I had to scramble to get it done ASAP. Things aren't looking good for AC, considering she was skating on thin ice as it was.

Well, she comes back from the doctor's office and is sniffling. She says that she'll be in late tomorrow, and when I ask her what's wrong, she says she has to have a biopsy.

Now here is why I'm a horrible person. I'm frustrated enough with her that I can't even be sympathetic. Not that I wish her any ill, in fact I stopped what I was doing and prayed for her on the spot. But I just can't bring myself to say anything to her, and in fact I didn't say anything but, "I see." I just don't want to try to be nice and sympathetic outloud while I have some resentment still harbored within me. I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret, and I'm afraid I won't sound sincere.

And, subconsciously, I'm afraid I wouldn't be sincere. All this weekend, I kept saying that if it came down to her and me, and the company kept her, I'd be looking for another job. She had me in tears on Friday, and feeling physically ill with stress this weekend.

But if she isn't going to be here anymore, I don't want it to be like this. I don't want it to be because of tragedy. I feel horribly guilty, and I don't know what to do.

{SIGH} Now I feel ill because I feel guilty. I just want to cry...

Paris? Really?

Saw this on Amy's blog. Don't know that I agree, but...

You Belong in Paris Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris. The art, the fashion, the wine, the men! Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park... You'll love living in the most chic place on earth What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Best Search Phrase EVER!

So my hit counter provides the referring URL and search terms when someone comes upon my blog from a search engine. Here's what I found on one of my hits today:

how many cc's do I need from an A cup to become C cup with breast augmentation

Just a Meme...

Saw this on Mark's blog and it looked like fun, so...

• My uncle once: bought me a typewriter so I would pass high school chemistry.
  
• Never in my life: have I been outside the US.
  
• High school was: largely a miserable experience until senior year.
  
• I will never forget: the last 8th grade class I taught.
  
• I once met: Nick Saban? He went to my former church.
  
• Once at a bar: I saw some guy perform who was a cross between and Elvis impersonator and Rip Taylor. He was locally famous around Pittsburgh.
  
• By noon I'm usually: hearing about a new project I have to do.
  
• Last night: I had kippers for dinner. Yum!
  
• If only I had: about six extra hours in a day, I'd finally finish the great American novel.
  
• Next time I go to church: will be Sunday (boring, I know).
  
• When I turn my head left: I see the rocking chair my mom and dad rocked me to sleep in.
  
• When I turn my head right: I see my front wall (which is just two floor to ceiling windows and a sliding glass door).
  
• You know when I'm lying when: I stutter.
  
• Every day I think about: the fact that I've been out of college for 11 years and I still owe almost $30,000 in student loans.
  
• By this time next year: I will have a higher level job in my current company.
  
• I have a hard time understanding: how people who spew messages of hate can claim to speak in the name of God.
  
• If I ever go back to school I'll: either be doing something job -related or starting an MFA in creative writing.
  
• You know I like you when: I'm comfortable enough to joke around you.
  
• If I won an award the first person I'd thank is: my mom and dad, followed by my high school biology teacher, who was hands down the best teacher I ever had.
  
• My ideal breakfast is: cinnamon roll Pop-Tarts.
  
• A song I love, but do not have is: pretty much every song I love. The church I used to work for stole most of my CDs, and I just haven't gotten aournd to replacing them.
  
• If you visit my hometown, I suggest: going to the museums in Oakland. Beyond that, bring a good book - Pittsburgh isn't that thrilling.
  
• Why won't anyone: in Baton Rouge ever use turn signals?
  
• If you spend the night at my house: I'll take the couch - you get stuck with my lumpy mattress.
  
• I'd stop my wedding for: nothing, on the off chance I ever marry.
  
• The world could do without: religious extremism, intolerance, and blue food.
  
• I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: sit through a Bill Cosby movie.
  
• Paper clips are more useful than: anything else human kind has ever invented - except for duct tape.
  
• If I do anything well: I most likely wouldn't even realize it.
  
• And by the way: I once ran myself over with a 15 passenger van.
  

Send in the Clowns...

We had clowns at church yesterday, leading the worship. I don't know what I think about that. On the one hand, the kids loved it, the old folks loved it (which surprised me), and it was a great kick-off to VBS, "Davey and Goliath's Circus Something-or-Other." On the other hand, it was clowns, and clowns are...well...kind of freaky. I'm not one of those people who are afraid of them, but they do make me uncomfortable and self-conscious for some reason. And that isn't necessarily something I want to feel in the course of worship.

Maybe I'm becoming an old fuddy-duddy as I approach middle age. Of course, it was the childless young adults who were most freaked by the proceedings yesterday, so maybe it means I'm still a young adult at heart.

Or maybe clowns really are just creepy.

Dream a Little Dream...

Just had to share this. I've been dreaming about work a lot lately (probably because I spend way too much time in the office). This morning I had the most bizarre dream of them all (to date, anyway).

I dreamt that a bunch of us from work were traveling somewhere and we were all working in a hotel. I had taken something across the room to someone else and as I was walking back to my spot, my boss's boss (the one I'm doing so much work for) said, "Sheryl, I need you to do something for me." So I went over to her and she handed me a credit card and said, "I need you to go and get me a big stack of (unintelligible) implants." I couldn't understand her, so I asked her to repeat herself, and she said, "I need you to go and get me a big stack of Something Implants." (In the dream, I could understand the word that time, but I don't remember it now)

I said to her, "I'm sorry, BB, but I have no idea what Something Implants are."

She got a frustrated look on her face and said - rather loudly, "They're birth control implants. Now go get me a stack of them."

That's when I woke up. Don't think I want to analyze that one too much.

Is It Really the 21st Century?

This article was in the paper today. I know Louisiana is conservative, and I know that a lot of the state, even some of the cities, is rather backwoods. But come on - how can there even be debate on bill that is designed to eliminate bias against homosexuals and bisexuals in state jobs? How can that even be an issue?

Oh, and the comments from the "ministers" about how God won't bless the state if this bill passes. Please. God has bigger fish to fry that whether a gay man or a lesbian holds a civil service job in a tiny little state.

It's hard being a liberal in the deep south.

If You Want My Body, and You Think I'm Sexy...

...sorry, I'm too tired.

I haven't been sleeping well of late. I have trouble falling asleep, then I wake up at 5 a.m., sometimes with a nightmare. Haven't had one of those in years until recently. Bad dreams, sure, but not heart pounding, heavy breathing type nightmares.

Work is incredibly stressful right now, which probably has something to do with it. This project may be the death of me. I'm learning a lot, but it's a lot of tedious work, and I hate tedious work (like making binder after binder after binder - I may never touch another binder again after this). Not to mention the long hours, and being salaried non-exempt, the long hours aren't worth it. I looked up on the Department of Labor's website to see how they calculate overtime for employees in that class. They divide the salary for that period by the total hours worked to get the hourly rate for that period. Then for the overtime hours, they divide that rate by .5. As an example, lets say I made...$1000 a week (I wish!). And lets say I worked...50 hours that week. That's $20 an hour. So then for the 10 hours I worked over 40, they pay me $10 an hour. That stinks. Last pay period I worked 18 hours over, and my hourly rate for those hours came out to be just a little over $4. So not worth the effort.

Then Annoying Co-Worker seems to have made it her personal mission in life to drive me to commit homicide. Or perhaps it's just her passive-aggressive way of committing suicide. Either way, she's driving me crazy. She seems bound and determined to convince me that she is a better person than me by giving me all kinds of menial tasks, but doing it with a spoonful of sugar and asking instead of telling. But, as the saying goes, I wasn't born yesterday. I know what she is doing, and I don't like it at all.

I have more to say than just complaints. Really, I do. But I'm just too tired to write more (and I have about three more hours at work tonight to go). While you are waiting for me to be inspired, go read this guy's most recent sermon (it's the first or second entry on the page). He's a seminarian, and I think he'll make a great pastor someday.

I'm Back

...and just starting to recover from the fun that is a business trip. It wouldn't have been that bad if it weren't for the fact that half the company was there (ok...slight exaggeration), and I was expected to socialize until 10 p.m., which essentially meant that I had to be "on" from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. with no introvert time. It took me all weekend just to recharge my batteries.

But I'm back at work now with all that entails, and lots o' stuff looming on the horizon. {sigh} I really have stuff I want to write about - deep stuff - but I just don't have the motivation when I finally get home from work at night.

I would be so happy if there were just a couple more hours in a day.

Quick update

I had boiled crawfish for the first time today at the company crawfish boil. It wasn't that exciting. They were good though. If you ever get invited to a crawfish boil, though, don't eat the potatoes unless you like things really, really, really spicy hot.

I did get $25 from the owner of the company for my birthday though, so that's not bad.

I'm traveling for the big project I'm working on next week. Not really happy about that, but there isn't much I can do.

Worked until 12:30 a.m. last night, also for this project.

The price we pay for a career.

I'll try to write more before I leave on Tuesday morning - won't be back 'till 10 pm Friday.

{Sigh}

Gulp!

Have you ever been really excited, really scared, and really nauseated all at once?

I've just been put on the team for a huge project - a make or break project for this company, and consequently, for me. I'll be working with a lot of the higher-ups, including the number 3 person in the company directly - my boss's boss. If you impress her, great thing happen. If you get on her bad side....witness Annoying Co-Worker.

This project is my ticket to finally having the kind of career I've been longing for, and for a really, really good company - the kind of company I'd like to stay with. I'm just petrified I'm going to mess something up and be out on my ear.

And I can't even vent that much because of annoying SEC rules.

Happy Birthday to Me!

It's My Birthday

My last year of being part of the young adult marketing demographic. Celebrate as you see fit.

...there's no place like cyber-home.

So I haven't written in a while. Sorry, to anyone who cares. I've been busy at work and really couldn't take the time to write, and when I write at home I actually have to wait for the computer to catch up to me and it's annoying. Add to that the fact that I really don't have much interesting to say and you get a hiatus from blogging.What can I say? Things at the ol' office have been...interesting. One of the most interesting developments I can't talk about because...well, I don't want to end up in prison on a federal offense. If you're savvy, you can maybe figure out the general category of the development, but I sincerely doubt you could guess the particulars.

So, what else? Annoying Co-Worker got put on an "action plan" last week. There are a lot of reasons, but among them is her tendency to take two hour lunches, to spend the better part of the day nuring her co-dependent relationship with her youngest daughter, to do work for her other job while on the clock for this one, and, most importantly, to turn in incomplete or poor quality work as a final result and to not take the comments I make on her work seriously and failing to make corrections. Is it wrong that I feel a certain sense of vindication?

AC was also told that she can't complain to me or Good Co-worker about Lovely Boss or anything else in the department. LB even told GC and me to tell her if she does. Well, that's meant that it's been a lot quieter out in cubicle land. That's good and bad. It's good because I don't have to listen to the complaints or deal with her attempts to put me in the middle of this weird quasi-power struggle AC has going on with LB. It also means I don't have to know every detail of her youngest daughters life, because she isn't talking to her on the phone every five minutes. It's bad because now she doesn't talk at all in cubicle land. It makes for a long day, because GC and LB don't venture out of their offices to talk with me often. It gets lonely sometimes.

You may have noticed that my attitude about LB has changed. Or not, if you haven't read my blog before now. Well, a couple weeks ago when AC and GC were both out of the office, she and I had a nice, long chat. She told me that she recognized that I had been doing a lot of AC's work, and that I wasn't being recognized for it (AC put her name on all the work I did), and that she told AC that she wasn't allowed to give me work anymore. I kind of sensed that, and when AC tried to pawn work off on me, I found excuses to be doing something else.

I'm leaving you on a cliffhanger, I'll write mote later.

I've seen thin on a lot of blogs and LJs over the years. This is a list of banned books. The ones that are bolded I've ready, the ones in italics I've read part of, and the ones that aren...I haven't.



#1 The Bible
#2 Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
#3 Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
#4 The Koran
#5 Arabian Nights
#6 Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
#7 Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
#8 Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer In Olde English
#9 Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
#10 Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
#11 The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli
#12 Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
#13 Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank
#14 Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
#15 Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
#16 Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
#17 Dracula by Bram Stoker
#18 Autobiography by Benjamin Franklin
#19 Tom Jones by Henry Fielding
#20 Essays by Michel de Montaigne
#21 Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
#22 History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by EdwardGibbon
#23 Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
#24 Origin of Species by Charles Darwin
#25 Ulysses by James Joyce
#26 Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
#27 Animal Farm by George Orwel
#28 Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
#29 Candide by Voltaire
#30 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
#31 Analects by Confucius
#32 Dubliners by James Joyce
#33 Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
#34 Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
#35 Red and the Black by Stendhal
#36 Das Capital by Karl Marx
#37 Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire
#38 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
#39 Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence
#40 Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
#41 Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
#42 Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
#43 Jungle by Upton Sinclair
#44 All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
#45 Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx
#46 Lord of the Flies by William Golding
#47 Diary by Samuel Pepys
#48 Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
#49 Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
#50 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
#51 Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
#52 Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant
#53 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
#54 Praise of Folly by Desiderius Erasmus
#55 Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
#56 Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X
#57 Color Purple by Alice Walker
#59 Essay Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke
#60 Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
#61 Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
#62 One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#63 East of Eden by John Steinbeck
#64 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
#65 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
#66 Confessions by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#67 Gargantua and Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais
#68 Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes
#69 The Talmud
#70 Social Contract by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#71 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
#72 Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
#73 American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
#74 Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler
#75 Separate Peace by John Knowles
#76 Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
#77 Red Pony by John Steinbeck
#78 Popol Vuh
#79 Affluent Society by John Kenneth Galbraith
#80 Satyricon by Petronius
#81 James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
#82 Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
#83 Black Boy by Richard Wright
#84 Spirit of the Laws by Charles de Secondat Baron de Montesquieu
#85 Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut
#86 Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
#87 Metaphysics by Aristotle
#88 Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
#89 Institutes of the Christian Religion by Jean Calvin
#90 Steppenwolf by Hermann Hess
e#91 Power and the Glory by Graham Greene
#92 Sanctuary by William Faulkner
#93 As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
#94 Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin
#95 Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
#96 Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
#97 General Introduction to Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud
#98 Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
#99 Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Alexander Brown
#100 Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
#101 Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman by Ernest J. Gaines
#102 Emile Jean by Jacques Rousseau
#103 Nana by Emile Zola
#104 Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
#105 Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin
#106 Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#107 Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein
#108 Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
#109 Ox-Bow Incident by Walter Van Tilburg Clark
#110 Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes



Yeah, I tend to start books andnot finish them.

The Sounds of Silence

...which happens to be one of my all time favorite songs.

My co-worker, who really has been getting on my nerves all week, keeps asking me if I'm OK because I've been so quiet. I'm quiet because I feel like being quiet. I'm quiet because I'm tired of listening to her complain, and I figure that if I don't respond, she'll stop talking. I'm quiet because it's been an incredibly long and frustrating week. And I'm quiet because she's been on this conservative/religious kick lately, and my views don't run parallel to hers and I don't feel like getting into a debate.

I wish I had an office with a door.

My Brain Hurts...

...from looking at therapy statistics all day today, and I'm ready to go home. I just wasted about 5 minutes with this:

English Genius You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 86% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 64% on Beginner You scored higher than 68% on Intermediate You scored higher than 81% on Advanced You scored higher than 95% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating

This is Everywhere I've Been

Of course, I've only either driven through or been in the airport of a couple of them, but still...





create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

Thrilling, huh?

She Lives...

...but her computer doesn't.

Yeah, I've been having major problems with my home computer. I don't know what is wrong with it, but I can't connect to the net at all. Well, my modem dials, it connects, but then it hangs up. I think that a piece of malicious software somehow ended up on my computer, despite two different anti-virus programs and three different anti-spyware programs.

So I'm here at the library typing this up really quickly because I have 12 minutes left on this session before it kicks me off.

Work has been crazy. My boss has given me several new projects, but unfortuately she hasn't explained any of them. That kind of stinks a lot. I spent the better part of the week trying to figure out what she was looking for because she was out of the office for most of the week. I may have time to type the post I want to write sometime over lunch this week...or I may not.

Let's see...I'm meeting with the pastor of the church I've been going to again this week. Not completely sure, but I think I've made a decision. Yeah, it's been about 19 years in the making, but nonetheless.

Amy, if you happen to read this, I tried to e-mail you from work, but I had the wrong e-mail address (yeah, as we previously established, I'm a dork). I attempting to use your home e-mail as I figured you were lucky enough to have off around Easter (I didn't). I missed a letter, however, and it went to someone else completely, who is probably wondering why a complete stranger is telling her she's glad her mom is doing well. If I have time, I'll e-mail you from work this week.

Well, I'm down to six minutes, so I guess I'm going. This week should be an eventful one. Don't know if that is good or bad...

The End Has Come

Pope John Paul II has died.

Wow.

I'm glad that he isn't suffering anymore. And, to be honest, I'm a little glad that his papacy is concluded. Not because he wasn't a good leader, but because 26 years is an awful long time. Change is healthy.

On NPR they were talking about what John Paul's enduring legacy would be. The obvious choice would be political reform in Eastern Europe, and on a secular level, that is probably true.

But the person who the host was interviewing, Thomas Groome (a church historian at Boston College) said that the years down the line, the real thing that will be most worth remembering about his papacy will be is commitment to the "new" evangelism, the idea that Christians need to be in the world living their faith as a witness, that wholing up in our little churches isn't enough.

I think Groome is right on about that. The idea that faith is something that has to be lived daily really came as a surprise to a lot of Catholics. Although there was always a commitment to social justice, I don't think most Joe-in-the-pew Catholics thought much about what that meant. By both his example and his exhortation, John Paul changed all that. His papacy saw an incredible surge in social activism among Catholics. That is something worth remembering.

The othe part of his legacy will be his enduring and uncompromising belief that all human life, from fetuses to the elderly, from shining examples to criminals, is sacred. Whether you agree with his stance against abortion, euthanasia, the death penalty, and war, you have to admit that he stood firm on his position. As someone who happens to agree with him on most of these issues (with the exception of contraception), I admire that.

The other thing that they discussed are possible candidates for the next Pope. There is concern in some quarters that since John Paul appointed all but two of the cardinals voting in the conclave, we can expect the next Pope to provide us with more of the same. But the commentator on that issue (sorry - can't remember who that was) said that once the ring is on the new pope's finger and the white bireta is on his head, all bets are off. Look at John XXIII. The cardinals who elected that elderly bishop to the office of Pope anticipated that he would serve for a year or two, to act as a transitional figure. Instead, he called for the Ecumenical Council that would come to be known as Vatican II and changed the shape of the world.

Regardless of what John Paul's legacy ends up being, and regardless of whether you view him as a visionary or a villian, I honestly believe that today, God welcomed home a good, if flawed, man who tried his best to serve Him faithfully.

May he rest in the peace of Christ.

Many Thoughts

First, I know I said I'd continue my thoughts and reflections on Easter, and I do intend to do so (hey, it's the Easter season until Pentecost - I have time), but this has been a weird week, and I've had problems with my monitor, so I just haven't been able to write. And I'm not writing about that tonight (at least not right now), so you'll just have to be in suspense for a while. Yeah, I know you're holding your breath in anticipation.

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First the Pope.

I have been praying for weeks that God would just take him and let the poor man rest. John Paul is a savvy man. He knew that things would be difficult for the Church if he stepped down. Since he would retain his title, Catholics would effectively have two popes, which could cause even more division in a church whose very name means universal. He would never have stepped down not because of his ego, but for the sake of unity. He's served God well for over 50 years as a priest. He deserves the peace being in the presence of God will bring.

Nevertheless, I feel vaguely guilty about that wish.

Like many moderate to liberal Catholics (or former Catholics), I have had a bit of a love...dislike relationship with John Paul. I can't deny that he has been perhaps the most pastoral of the pontiffs of my lifetime and just before (thought John XXIII could maybe give him a run for his money in some respects). He truly loved being among his people, from the highest ranking politicians to the lowest street person. His concern for all life is deep, profound, and sincere. I have especially admired the commitment he has made to young people over the course of his papacy. He truly loved being with them, and it showed in every image of him with children. I think to the most recent image of him with several small children and the doves (I just don't feel like looking for it to link, but I think you all probably know what I'm talking about). As sick and frail as he was, he looked years younger just being in their presence.

John Paul did much to bring the church into the modern era. He was by far the most media savvy leader the church has ever seen (not surprising since at least one of his degrees was in communications). He has been more open with reporters than any other pontiff, and has used technology to communicate with the faithful like never before.

He was also the most politically minded Pope in the modern (post-Reformation) era. Many people credit him for being the main impetus for the fall of Communism in eastern Europe. He could talk to leaders with respect, and even influence the most hard-headed and -hearted of them to come closer to his point of view. He made remarkable inroads in relations with other denominations and other faiths, even going so far as to develop a joint declaration on justification with the orginal Protestant church.

Yet he was also a man who stubbornly held to outdated doctrine and policy despite the clear need for change. We have seen an incredible shortage of priests arise in this and most othe western countries, yet he wouldn't even consider the possibility of ordaining married men, let alone women. He has acknowledged the importance of the laity in the ministry of the church, but has done very little to further their participation. And he holds an almost reactionary positon on the role of women not only in the church, but in society as well.

He was a man who continued his predecessors policy of pretending abuse within the church didn't exist. Granted, he was already frail when everything broke in Boston, but he wasn't when the bishop of Pittsburgh was told to reinstate several priests he removed from ministry due to credible allegations of abuse. He wasn't when other allegations surfaced earlier in his papacy. And he never disciplined the bishops who turned a blind eye to the allegations.

Still and all, though, I think I will always have a special connection to this pope. I remember his election clearly, and I remember learning about the black smoke and white smoke in...I think it was second grade. It's funny, but I don't remember that at all with his predecessor, despite the fact that it was only a few months earlier.

I remember when he was shot for an odd reason. It was my 10th birthday. Classes were cancelled that afternoon, and we all gathered around the two small TV's we had in my school to watch the coverage (grades 1-4 were together, and grades 5-8 were together). I remember that my mom brought cookies and Little Hugs (a juice-type drink in little containers shaped like barrels - a predecessor to the juice box) for a treat for my birthday, and despite the gravity of the situation, my teacher let my class have them just before dismissal.

I remember when he came to Denver for World Youth Day and St. Louis for something youth-related. I remember watching him pray at the Wailing Wall. I remember him meeting with, praying with, and forgiving the man who shot him.

I may not always (or even often) agree with what he has said. I may not be a practicing Catholic anymore (I'm about 75% sure on that - when I finally write about Easter I'll explain). But I suppose that there is no question of the fact that I respect John Paul a a committed servant of the Lord. I hope when the end finally comes, it is peaceful and painless.

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I had orientation for my job this week, and I came to a realization. I would rather hold a job that I'm not crazy about at a company I can respect than a job I love at a company that I don't.

The owner and founder of the company was the final speaker of the day, and he spoke for about an hour and a half. It didn't seem like that. He told the story of the hard times, when the company was in so much trouble that they literally didn't have enough money to declare bankruptcy, and he was afraid to pick up the phone out of fear that there was a creditor on the other end. But he persevered, and today the company is the most respected home health care company in the country and is the current darling of Wall Street.

I respect his perseverance alone, but the thing that I really respect is the fact that he accomplished this by doing the right thing for the right reason. He never compromised on patient care, and he never tried to cheat or manipulate the government. He has always respected and valued his employees. He invests in his people, and he expects his people to invest in their patients, the company, and themselves.

If you are interested in reading the whole story, leave me a comment and I'll send you a link to an article about him in Forbes. It's a story well worth reading.

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I was going to write about on other thing, but I'm really tired now. I'm not making any promises about when I'll write next. I never keep them anyway. {SIGH}

Alleluia!

Happy Easter!

I've been quiet this week, thinking and reflecting, and purposely not blogging. I wanted to experience Holy Week as a whole before I wrote about any part of it. I'm glad I did, because it's been quite a revelation.

I'm going to warn you right off the bat that this is likely to be long.

Palm Sunday

Of all feast days, Palm Sunday is usually my least favorite. I don't really know why that is, except that it stands in stark contrast to the days to come during Holy Week. It's a day of triumph, but the Gospel for the day is the Passion. It's a say of dichotomy, and it's unsettling.

At the church I've been attending, Palm Sunday started off with the whole congregation processing into the church with palm branches. Any church I've gone to in the past has made the procession optional, if they've done it at all, because the congregation is so large, or because they don't see the liturgical significance. I usually haven't participated because...well, I don't know why. But there was something powerful about the whole congregation entering the church together as a community of faith, waving their palm branches as the crowds did when Christ entered Jerusalem all those years ago.

It also brought home the symbolism, at least it did for me. Those same crowds that greeted Jesus as they would royalty, as a celebrity, were clambering for his execution not even a week later. And even if they weren't among those yelling, "Crucify him!" they weren't yelling anything to the contrary. It reminded me how we so often embrace what Christ teaches in theory, but then we turn our backs on it when comes time to put it into practice. "Love one another as I have loved you," sounds like a marvelous ideal, but when faced with that co-worker who gets on your nerves, or that driver who cut you off, or that friend who takes you for granted, it gets shoved into the background. We are willing to turn out backs on what Jesus taught in a heartbeat if it serves our purpose. It's a humbling and somewhat guilt inducing realization, but it is comforting to look around and know that every single person processing with you has the same failings you do. And it's even more comforting to know that we are forgiven when we fall short.

But perhaps the most moving part of the service on Palm Sunday for me was the "reading" of the Passion. Now, normally this is done in one of two ways. Either the presider reads the whole thing from the Gospel, or it is read with a narrator, the presider reading the part of Jesus, and one or more people reading the other "characters." But this church did something different and really good.

Instead of the Passion being read, the choir sang a cantata that told the story of the Passion. I forget the composer, but it was wonderful to say the least. It was accompanied by a Powerpoint presentation of a variety of images of Christ's Passion and death from various artists both classical and contemporary.

Normally, I don't like multimedia presentations during worship. There's a time and a place for that, and liturgy isn't it. But this was just...I don't have the words for it. To see so many representations and interpretations of the passion story was...almost overwhelming. It brought home the fact that when we talk about humanity being made in the image of God, it doesn't just mean people we like, or people we are comfortable around. It means people who are different from ourselves, people who make us uncomfortable for whatever reason. We are all made in the Divine Image, no matter what our culture or ethnic group or socioeconomic status or sexual orientation or whatever.

That reminder, combined with all the news coverage of Terry Schiavo (which I have studiously avoided writing about) have made me consider what it really means to respect life. So many people get so up in arms about euthansia or assisted suicide or abortion. The decry them as part and parcel of the moral decay of our country. The protest outside clinics and hospices.

But so many of these same people have no problem with the death penalty being applied to minors or those who are mentally challenged. They favor the war in Iraq, and didn't see any problem with the humiliation of Iraqi prisoners of war. They cross the street rather than walk by someone who is homeless. They ignore the hungry in their own country and across the world. They turn a blind eye to the fact that there are parts of this world where children can be forced into slave labor in the sex industry on pain of death of themselves or their loved ones.

Aren't these part of respecting life?

Now, I'll tell you, I don't think Schiavo's feeding tube should have been removed. Palliative care like that is just a basic right and component of death with dignity. And I don't favor abortion and a method of birth control. I just get upset when the religious right focuses on just these things and ignores the other issues. When Jesus told us to love one another, He didn't just mean when it is convienient. He meant all the time.

Sorry for getting off on that tangent, but it is really a part of the whole story of Easter.

I'll write about the rest of Holy Week tomorrow. It's later than I thought it was, and I need to sleep now.

New Look

My boss in Las Vegas getting married (in a surprise wedding - not too sure about that), then she has a meeting out of town all next week. She didn't leave me anything to do, so I was bored and played a little.

Big change from the parchment, huh? I wanted something a little lighter and more springy. What do you think?

It's Monday

Just thought I'd announce that.

So here I am, downloading demographic statistics for the third solid week. By the time I actually finish this, I will be able to tell you anything you want to know about the population of the southern states. Not that you want to know anything. But my boss's boss does, county by county, so here I download. Actually my coworker (former supervisor) is supposed to being doing this, but somehow I got stuck with it. Not sure how it happened, but oh well.

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I made fajitas for dinner last night, minus the peppers (they were too expensive). They were good, but my whole apartment smells like fajitas now. Just thought you needed to know.

Oh, and there were no carrots . Of course, they were from scratch. If I had bought them frozen there probably would have been.

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My friend Amy asked me to write a short reflection on how the Coalition for Christian Outreach impacted my life in college and beyond. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It wasn't because the CCO didn't impact me - nothing could be further from the truth. But it was so hard to try to...quantify something so intangible. And with everything I've been through in the last year, it was even more difficult.

Why is that? It took me a while to be able to answer that question, but I guess it's because I'm at such an uncertain place in my faith life right now. I don't know that I'm still Catholic (with a big C), but I'm not sure I can identify myself with any other denomination either. I know I've said that before, but it's still true, despite the fact that I've been worshipping in a Lutheran church for almost half a year now.

I think it's guilt. I used to laugh off the concept of Catholic guilt, but not any more. I feel like I'm letting down hundreds of generations that have gone before me. I know that's stupid. But nonetheless. It didn't help that one of my fears came true when I told one of my Pittsburgh friends about it a few weeks ago. We were having an IM conversation when he asked me about my faith life. I decided to tell him the truth. He made some snide remark about settling for a pale imitation of "real" Catholicism. I tried to defend myself, but I was tired and not expecting some theological discussion. He ultimately said that Lutheran theology renders the whole sacrfice of Christ unecessary, which though I can't claim to know much, I know isn't true. I finally told him that right now, I'm happy where I am, I don't know if it is a forever thing, but it works for me for now. He never responded, and I probably lost him as a friend.

I don't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, I know his opinion shouldn't matter. I know he is an arrogant pr...er...guy who thinks he knows everything because he has a degree in philosophy, works for the Church, and spent a year in seminary. I've known that about him since I've known him. On the other hand, I want him to respect my choices because I've always supported him, even when he faced criticism from most of the congregation for his liturgical choices, and even when I didn't necessarily agree with him.

I don't think I'm ever going to find peace or a sense of belonging until I can get all this worked out. And I don't think that'll happen until I can get over the whole St. Al's CCC debacle. And I don't know when that'll happen.

Is it just me or does it seem wrong that working for the Church can mess you up this bad?

Memo to Frozen Food Makers

Dear Folks,

I like frozen food. It's cheap and convenient when you are single. It's even tasty sometimes.

But why, why, why do you insist on puttting tons-o-carrots in everything you make? Everything, from Chinese to Italian to everything else has carrots in it.

I don't like carrots. They go to waste every single time. I know I'm not the only one in that situation.

I know carrots are cheap, but so is broccoli. And I would pay a few pennies more if you put something exotic like asparagus in sometime.

So please, if you happen to read this, give us consumers a little variety sometime. Thank you.

Ode to Octopi

Why O Why, fair octopi,
Do you squirt ink?
Now let me think.
Is it because you have so many arms?
Or because you've lost all your charms?


Thank you Monn, for collaborating on this master work lo those many years ago.

Water, Water Everywhere...

...and I can't take a shower. I can't wait until I'm allowed to get my back wet again. I'm going to stay in the shower until the hot water runs out, let the tank fill up again, and repeat it about a thousand times. I'm going to wash my hair every time, too.

My manager said that I don't have to have the hole in my back packed every day anymore, that every three days is enough. That's good. Maybe by next weekend I can fulfill that fantasy.

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I've been meaning to write about this since Sunday. I heard a really good sermon this weekend. The Gospel was the story of the Samaritan woman at the well from John. It's a favorite Gospel of mine, but I gained a different perspective this weekend.

Most of the homilies, sermons, and reflections I've heard about and read about on this particular reading deal with how countercultural it was for Jesus to speak with this woman. First, she was a woman, and a rabbi wouldn't waste his words on a nobody like that. Second, she was a Samaritan, and no self-respecting Jew would deign to speak with one of "them." Finally, she had a bad reputation. She has had five husbands, and is currently living with a man who is not her husband. In short, she was the type of person anyone in their right minds would go out of their way to avoid. But Jesus didn't, and in fact used her to spread his Word. It's a great reading to use when the theme is focusing on how God can use us and how we have value in His eyes despite the fact that we are flawed and fallible.

This past Sunday, the pastor did touch on that, but his main focus was on how this woman was doing something terribly mundane and ordinary, the everyday task of drawing water from the well. And it was when she was doing this ordinary, mundane task that Jesus sought her out, taught her, and used her to reach other people.

It reminded me of the Jubilee conference which I attended every year when I was in college (and coincidentally enough, was going on this past weekend). The main point the Coalition for Christian Outreach tries to get across during this conference was that we have been given gifts by God, and that we need to use those gifts to serve in our everyday, workaday life. Whether we are pastors, or doctors, or bankers, or computer geeks, we can serve Him through the way we perform our jobs and live our lives. Those conferences had a profound effect on me, and I will write about that sometime.

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Finally, in keeping with the water theme, there is an interesting discussion on removing the water from the baptismal and/or holy water fonts during Lent at Dash's blog. I personally don't like to have the water removed. I like to be reminded of my baptism during Lent, during this time of preparation. But that's just my opinion.