Well, it's the fourth of July

Not that I'm going to write about it, but I just thought I'd make an announcement.

Had a conversation with the Big Guy last night. Went something like this.




"So...hi there, God. Sorry I haven't talked to you in a while."

...

"Yeah, well, hope everything's good on your end, 'cause it's not on mine."

...

"You know, this is precisely why I haven't talked to you much lately. I do all the talking. One sided conversations aren't much fun, ya know?"

...

"I mean, I know you have about 6 billion people to worry about down here, not to mention all the other little creatures and plants and stuff. Being the 'Creator of Heaven and Earth, of all things see and unseen,' must be a big job, but do your think you could spare a few minutes for li'l ol' me?"

...

"No answer, huh? Oh well. Guess I wasn't expecting much. But you know, I kind of miss our dialogue. I mean, you were never exactly loud about things, but I could at least know you were paying attention, you know?"

...

" Well, here's the deal. You know I've been hurting lately, right?"

...

"Yeah. Well, we'll just take that as a yes, shall we? Anyway, I just feel so alone in the world. I mean, the only person I ever talk to is my boss at work. If it weren't for that, the sum total of human conact I would have would be clerks at the grocery store. And I hate that. I really do. But I'm so afraid of being rejected again, like I always have been. I just don't know what to do."

...

"And then there's the whole job thing. You supposedly gave everyone gifts and talents. Did you forget me? I can't think of anything that I'm really, really good at. I can't think of anything I can succeed in. I'm just a failure. Is that what you had in mind for me?"

...

"Silence, huh? Why doesn't that surprise me. You know, I always told my students that if they opened their hearts, they would hear you. Well, my heart's open, why can't I?"

...

"You know, I'd settle for a hint. Where do you want me? What do you want me to do? You name it, I'm there. I'll find a way, no matter what."

...

"Hmm. Why am I not surprised?"



See, that's where my crisis of faith comes from. I have no doubt that God exists. I have no doubt that He's up there (or whatever) listening. I just have trouble believing right now that He offers any guidance. That he speaks to us. He just lets us fumble our way along down here and we suffer for it.

I don't know.

I'm just so freaking sad.