Monday, March 14, 2005

It's Monday

Just thought I'd announce that.

So here I am, downloading demographic statistics for the third solid week. By the time I actually finish this, I will be able to tell you anything you want to know about the population of the southern states. Not that you want to know anything. But my boss's boss does, county by county, so here I download. Actually my coworker (former supervisor) is supposed to being doing this, but somehow I got stuck with it. Not sure how it happened, but oh well.


I made fajitas for dinner last night, minus the peppers (they were too expensive). They were good, but my whole apartment smells like fajitas now. Just thought you needed to know.

Oh, and there were no carrots . Of course, they were from scratch. If I had bought them frozen there probably would have been.


My friend Amy asked me to write a short reflection on how the Coalition for Christian Outreach impacted my life in college and beyond. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It wasn't because the CCO didn't impact me - nothing could be further from the truth. But it was so hard to try to...quantify something so intangible. And with everything I've been through in the last year, it was even more difficult.

Why is that? It took me a while to be able to answer that question, but I guess it's because I'm at such an uncertain place in my faith life right now. I don't know that I'm still Catholic (with a big C), but I'm not sure I can identify myself with any other denomination either. I know I've said that before, but it's still true, despite the fact that I've been worshipping in a Lutheran church for almost half a year now.

I think it's guilt. I used to laugh off the concept of Catholic guilt, but not any more. I feel like I'm letting down hundreds of generations that have gone before me. I know that's stupid. But nonetheless. It didn't help that one of my fears came true when I told one of my Pittsburgh friends about it a few weeks ago. We were having an IM conversation when he asked me about my faith life. I decided to tell him the truth. He made some snide remark about settling for a pale imitation of "real" Catholicism. I tried to defend myself, but I was tired and not expecting some theological discussion. He ultimately said that Lutheran theology renders the whole sacrfice of Christ unecessary, which though I can't claim to know much, I know isn't true. I finally told him that right now, I'm happy where I am, I don't know if it is a forever thing, but it works for me for now. He never responded, and I probably lost him as a friend.

I don't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, I know his opinion shouldn't matter. I know he is an arrogant who thinks he knows everything because he has a degree in philosophy, works for the Church, and spent a year in seminary. I've known that about him since I've known him. On the other hand, I want him to respect my choices because I've always supported him, even when he faced criticism from most of the congregation for his liturgical choices, and even when I didn't necessarily agree with him.

I don't think I'm ever going to find peace or a sense of belonging until I can get all this worked out. And I don't think that'll happen until I can get over the whole St. Al's CCC debacle. And I don't know when that'll happen.

Is it just me or does it seem wrong that working for the Church can mess you up this bad?


Chevy Rose said...

Hi, haven't been by in awhile, glad you're running in high grass for a change. What did you ever decide to do with the letter you posted here? Did you destroy or mail it? Just wondering. And the status of the 'hole in back', is it healing ok?
Have not had Mexican food in long time (diabetic hubby), but I love it.

Chevy Rose said...

Also you might have dropped by this blogger lady's site before, but she has interesting post on 'the' Church today. //