Tuesday, November 28, 2006

So. Here I Am

I've enjoyed this month of blogging daily, but I think I would have enjoyed it more if was feeling a little bit better. What is the point of hormones, anyhow, huh? Bring on menopause, I say!

(Of course, I shouldn't say that too loudly, because with the way my year has gone, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if that was happening, even if it is too early)

I'm out of my happy pills, if you can't tell already. I took the last one on Sunday and called my doctor yesterday. The pharmacy still doesn't have the prescription ready. I only take them every other day anyway, so I was OK until this afternoon. That's when the physical stuff started. Now, I've read people having really bad reactions to missing doses of antidepressants and antianxiety drugs. Mine are mild, just like little shocks of vertigo that last only a few seconds. It is annoying, though.

But the other stuff is more noticible to me (of course it could be all in my head - ha!). I find that I get more anxious than usual (which, since I'm taking them for anxiety, makes sense). Everytime my boss asked my co-worker into his office and closed his door, I convinced myself that I was about to be fired. This was despite the fact that we just talked about the fact that I would be the only one in the office over the holidays, and after he gave me a new project. I did the whole self-talk thing I worked on in therapy and got myself more rational, but still.

And I was really hoping to start going off these things in January. I'm just afraid that I won't be be able to handle the anxiety flaring up on a regular basis for no apparent reason. Maybe if I do go off it later next year, I can see my therapist for a little bit of a tune-up. I should see if he accepts my insurance.

The therapy thing was good for me, you know. This was the second time I tried it. Last time, the guy kept trying to have me do flow charts and bar graphs and other stuff a math-averse person like me doesn't want to see. With this guy, it was all about words. Oh, he threw in a few percentges to make a point, but there were no equations involved, so I could deal with that.

This wasn't the post I had planned, but I guess it needed to be said.

Oh, and on a completely unrelated and happier note, I finished a whole quilt top, border and all! That is the furthest I have ever gotten with a quilt. Granted, it is more wall hanging or a baby doll quilt, but I'm still pretty darned proud of myself. As soon as the templates I ordered come, I can move on to the next phase.

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