I Have Become...

...uncomfortably numb.

With apologies to Pink Floyd for the paraphrase (I think - I know songs but never who sings them).

I realized this week that I have hit the point where I really don't care about anything in terms of my career or lack there of. As I sat at my computer working on spreadsheets all blooming week, to the point that my wrist is actually bruised from mouse overusage, that I don't care if this company hires me, I don't car if I find another job, I don't care if I ever find career fulfillment. That scares me.

That's why I haven't posted anything of any significance of late. I just couldn't bring myself to care. I thought about posting a lot, but never quite got around to it. Why? Usually when I post I'm feeling something worth writing about. But I haven't felt anything at all this week. I haven't been happy or sad, frustrated, angry, elated, or anything else. I've just been tired. Really, amazingly tired.

I don't know what that means, if it means anything. I do know that tomorrow marks 11 months that I have been temping in the same place. I do know that they would never be able to get all the work that needs to be done done without me. I do know that they don't seem to have any inclination toward hiring me, despite the fact that they talk about it all the time. I do know that I, in all likelyhood have an ear infection, but since I don't have any insurance or money I am treating it with year old antibiotic drops and praying I don't die.

And I don't care if I do or don't.

Hmm...